Dear Mr Clostermann...

Dear Mr Clostermann,

how the devils be ye?! All good i hope...?!?

as you are aware, i recently purchased a techno-phone (one of those with a whole heap of technology that is probably capable of flying to the moon on its own, before plotting a second low-g launch and leaving us for mars...) which i have been having some 'moments' adjusting too...

the reason i have upgraded to such a technological marvel is complex and convoluted, and either based in a bunch of words that end in '...ivity', or some kind of mid-32 crisis, and for this reason i have decided not to explore them any further at this point...

the old 'touch screen-functionality' is something in particular i have been struggling with, although i do feel this may in part be connected to an age old memory of the 'search for books by sticking you greasy paws on the screen' machine that used to reside in CMK library... but i digress...

its mainly the getting it to type the word i actually asked it to type and not filling my t9 dictionary (predictive text being something i have avoided using on every other phone i have ever possessed) with random streams of letters and gibberish...

let us not mention the tweets involving the word "i'be", which whilst cute in its own kinda retro/ye-olde worlde way, is not something i would ever type... well certainly not with an apostrophe in it. "i are be not well" is a text i have sent this week, as is "i be king of the planets", note in neither case was an apostrophe deployed...

and this is where you come into the story... as you are aware, i did email you for advice on finding my dictionary, which after finding on the first day i had the phone had seemingly disappeared into a myriad of menus and button presses (including buttons which aren't actually buttons - most confusing)...

first i must thank you for your direction... it was clear, concise, and i managed to scrub some hideous amalgamations from my dictionary - good skills that man

secondly you made a recommendation, that i use swype... sent me a link and everything...

and this is where it all went a bit wrong... you see, you sent me a link for swype (one which i have since used, and dude "what a recommendation - thank you!!")... however my initial attempts to obtain this app were conducted via the medium of said techno-phone, which may in itself be foolish, but it lead me somewhere...

it lead me to a game called 'zombie swype'... and i think you know what happened next?! i saw the 'z' word, and we all know that i cannot be held responsible for my actions in the presence of the 'z' word...

so down it was loaded, unto techno phone...

and now i cannot stop playing it! i appear to have developed an addiction to poking zombies in the face... and watching them disappear...

i currently have the 3rd and 4th highest scores ever (there's only probably eight people who've downloaded it ever, or similar) and i have a feeling that 1st and 2nd will fall to me in the next 24 hours...

this game rules... its kicked a hole in my 'champ manager' addiction (if its good enough for plan b its good enough for me), but also appears to have curtailed the whole connectivity of techno phone as i am spending a large amount of time poking the living dead in the face...

if i put the phone down long enough, i may even complete the zombie trilogy with a song about the 'zombies that wolf gave me'...

so i must thank you once more for your most excellent recommendation... one i would pass on to all htc users with the words "thank wolf" (i told mel on saturday, she says 'thanks')... however should a the situation arise, can you please prefix (or suffix) the recommendation with

"go straight past the zombies, where available collect £200, but do not stop at zombie or else you will get very little done..."

i hope the world is good with you

big love

fatbwoi