writing... [flatbread]

word!!

or in this case, words...

still doodling away with some electronic weirdness over here on planet bwoi... but i can at this stage present to you an early (incomplete) draft of the lyrics to 'flatbread'...

its the one with at least half a shopping list, and a brief dabble in culinary territory...

not that you asked, but i am known for musing upon my own modus operandi, and it enables me to answer a question...

the question? do you ever write these things down?!

the answer? yes! and the paper is never bloody wide enough [must use less syllables]

[or get a bigger book]

they do actually all get written down at least once... sometimes its on a cardboard box, once in match on a paving stone, but i digress...

when i was on bridge FM, paul (the DJ) asked me whether i write the words or the music first... and really the answer is both... sometimes one-way, sometimes the other (nightmare answer i know - but its true)...

this one was words first, in the car, on the way back from the supermarket... and they're wrong. well the 'do-do do do' bit (kinda of a chorus) is anyway... now its much more science-y. some of the second verse is missing, and that last line is different (currently back to the monkey)...

structurally its a bit of a builder... but also a bit out there, but i like it, cos it allows me to repeat the "something missing... tiger, string-pull light... mirror" motif, and that was the late night 'eureka' line that made me want to roll with the idea...

i like the prawns line too...

so there you have it...

peace-out y'all

fb 8)

ps. i'd consider some-kinda prize if anyone out there fancies guess-humming the melody, and sending it to me?! i would say closest, but anything is good... reinterpretation is good for me too

beunos noches

the fatbwoi songbook VII - 1-800

look up in the sky... is it a bird? is it a plane?
omar daze... its a bwoi...
and what's with that completely ungraceful flapping action?!

yes its back, once again, the fatbwoi songbook... with more (and better) installments than star wars, and a chronology as confused as the saw movies... where would you be without it?!

requesting songsheets... but until i get a big ole' OHP, this'll have to do...

oft introduced as then one about god, which isn't strictly true (but chicken to god is a lovely progression)... occasionally more-accurately introduced as the one about tv evangelists and some of the crazy ideas they preach...

that's why the lyrics contain some 'far-out' stuff...

its like i dug that tune that genesis span many moons ago ('jesus he knows me'), but was unconvinced about the packaging or presentation (or something)...
________________________________

1-800

the jews killed jesus - so let's have a party
but i'm glad he was born - that's why the christmas started
well now he's dead you can have an egg
quick look busy jesus is coming
he gathered up twelve apostles
well you have to say that that was quite a posse
drank the holy wine and lost it
quick look busy jesus is coming

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you...

wanna get to heaven with no sacrifice
well i can sort that out - if you can pay the price
you see god he's good but i'm twice as nice
1-800-4-SALVATION
old school you wanna covet somebody
like a hippy wanna love somebody
let's get it on and brrrrp somebody
1-800-4-SALVATION

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you talk to me

say jesus
say hallelujah
say what is god - oh god is love
god is love
say jesus
say hallelujah
say what is god - oh god is love
god is love

wish religion could be more fun
you gotta picture the jesus with a laser gun
he's gonna honk some crack and brrrrp some nuns
1-800-4-SALVATION
have to wonder what god he would say
kinda different back in god's day
who is this god bloke anyway?!

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you through me
_________________________

just like that...

add a bit of stomping, (it sits nice with the shout-y middle eight) and job's a good 'un...

hold your hands up - hallelujah

the fatbwoi songbook VI - jazz hands

na na na na-na its the one and only B dubya O i...
na na na na-na or something similar from the street...

uhm... stop it now... word up you crazy cats, here be the third part of the second fatbwoi songbook trilogy (i was gonna try and work the word singular into that sentence, but it was getting a little bit unwieldy)... jazz hands

the on about... well i'll let you work that out for yourselves (answers on a postcard to fb13, bwoi-ton)... this is the one with the dance moves, and the counting to six in german... thang-shakin' fun in a bun...

and those dance moves... the first one is easy enough - freeze!! (do not pass go, there is a distinct lack of £200)...

the second...

jazz hands

eins... zwei... drei... vier... fünf... sechs...

HUH!

peace be with you...
don't have many friends make the nagging voices stop
there's always a reason...
never mind the bubbles - what they doin' at the top?!
coffee in the mornin' with the coke in the evenin'
coke in the mornin' with the coffee on top
choppin' up the charlie then you put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze... jazz hands

HUH!

stay pointless...
drive within the limits and look after yourself
and don't do the drugs...
got to look after your mental health
ever get the feeling that its moves a lil' faster
you're thinking pretty quickly - but you're talking to slow
so you scrape it off the paper and put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze... jazz hands

uhm...

a left, left and right and right
with my magic powder i can dance all night
left is left and right and right
she goes ba ba baa da ba ba baa
a left and left and right and right
with my magic powder i can dance all night
left is left and right and right
she goes ba ba baa da ba ba baa da ba ba baa da ba ba ba ba

HUH!

peace be with you...
don't have many friends make the nagging voices stop
there's always a reason...
never mind the bubbles - what they doin' at the top?!
coffee in the mornin' with the coke in the evenin'
coke in the mornin' with the coffee on top
choppin' up the charlie then you put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze...

HUH!
__________________________________________

just like that, and one day i will complete my designs for giant (white-gloved) jazz hands that i attach to my hips and join in with the actions... this whole playing a guitar thing is a bit of a pain in the ass re: jazz hands... (or any other action involving one or more hands)...

now i f i could just make them a lil' animatronic and get them either playing a cajon, or scratchin' on 1210's... well, then we'll be cooking with charcoal

happy time

the fatbwoi songbook V - can you hear me now?

swingin' in from stage left (as from that way weirdness comes...) with a rebellious demeanour and a slight whiff of popcorn and blue... bustin' some ill advised body poppin' chops designed to make the ladies go... uhm, somewhere... its that one that's NOT called chymn (pronounced chime)

also available in (original) rap-metal variety... the one with the tupac, but probably distinctly lacking in biggie (them's just the facts)... and sometimes garnished with retro-hop rap badness (not included... please collect six vouchers, get a responsible adult* to cut them out and send them along with 60p P+P)

*do not allow the bwoi to handle scissors

i present to you thus...

Can You Hear Me Now? 

so, that train has left the station

ten out of ten for your observation

did you speak to ease the situation

or just because the air was vacant

always seems that something is missing

check it out in the back there's girls and they're kissing

always wanna try something different

it doesn't matter cos no-one's listening

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

said ah no no no... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

stop me if there's something that you don't get

cos' i'm not convinced that you're playing with a full-deck

the odds are stacked in this game of russian roulette

now place the barel upside your head

nobody said that this world was fair

the idea it is a-pretty much out there

and no-one wants to admit they're scared

but look at me does it look like i care

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

said ah no no no... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

(woo-oooh woo-oooh woo-oooh...)

i suppose that i really should mention

just what it is - just what are my intentions

i was born a mother of invention

i don't speak - and you feel the tension

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

i got nothing to say... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

now i've a-run out of patience

there's no more trains there's no more stations

did you speak to ease the situation

cos' its a-seeming to me that the air's still vacant

always seems like something is missing

check it out in the back those girls they're still kissing

always wanna try something different

it doesn't matter cos' no-one is listening

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

i got nothing to say... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

so oh my god... can you hear me now?

are you listening... can you hear me now?

i got nothin' to say... can you hear me now?

and are you happy now?

i don't think i have ever been as into trains as this song might suggest, but i do remember practising the lyrics whilst playing 'the square game' (a posh name for a time-wasting, hanging off the washing machine kinda game we used to play in front of my house - as you do) with kenyon... back int' day, and stuff... wrote it on the bass, the original chorus being one of those bwoi goes matt bellamy moments... happy time

the fatbwoi songbook IV - the soulcalibur song

na na na na naa (or something)...

but do you know what time it is?!
4.30... (its not late, its early...) but seriously, you crazy cats it is time for the fourth installment of the fatbwoi songbook...

the second trilogy... a bit like star wars, except in this case they come along quicker and there is nothing as exceptionally whack as the phantom menace... yes we get the idea george, he's an exceptional pilot, now please don't put him in the yellow ship...

oh - too late.

this is the one about the fighting games, specifically soulcalibur, and playing your mate at it so obssessively that nothing else is real... the hours of tappping buttons and developing combinations, for that moment of oh so sweet victory... the days devoted to unlocking items of clothing to pimp out your character... oh yes, its not just about beating your friend... its about looking damn good whilst you're doing it... its about going outside and being surprised that people are wearing normal clothes...

although the extra observant will notice that spinning bird kick, hadouken and yoga x are all ripped from streetfighter... i guess capcom just cornered the market on chorus-worthy combat noises - right on.

altogether now... (wah-ow) spinning birdkick

the soulcalibur song

well it appears i have to teach you with pain

who are you? what are you? tell me your name...

and don't you ever underestimate...

the strength of your opponent (no)

well now its time for me you to maim

your stats they are not as good as you claim

through the combinations or the chaos play

the result will be the same

(she gives me)

(wah-ow) spinning bird kick

(wah-ow) hadouken

(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all

(wah-ow) spinning bird kick

(wah-ow) hadouken

(wah-ow) yoga flame

well, daisy doesn't like suzy q
although they used to be friends
some hardcore bisexual issues
caused their friendship to end (woo woo woo)
and now they fight at every opportunity (oh yeah)
its daisy with those nun-chucks and suzy with a big stick (oh baby)
and they will fight for all eternity
and nobody knows who will win... cos its a grudge match

(she gives me)
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) yoga flame

[spoken]
triangle triangle square, you gotta press left a bit
you can't actually get him in the face from there
he's like that green guy from streetfighter two, with the electricity stuff - yeah blanka
(try some) L1 R1 L1 R1 L1 R1 L1 R1 too late - you're dead - its my go...

(she gives me)
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) yoga flame

oh no submit to me - don't take me lightly
beg me forgiveness - this is naughty naughty
what is it? well its elmination by force
oh baby i love these life or death decisions

(she gives me)
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) yoga flame

well daisy she don't like suzy q,
and suzy q she does not like daisy...
and boris was never that keen on clive
cos he thinks his dress sense is a lil' crazy...

(she gives me)
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick

(wah-ow) hadouken

(wah-ow) yoga flame

gonna kick your ass again

daisy was my character... she had this urban terrorist chic going on (beret and a face-mask)... suzy q was mart's character who had this annoying stripey pyjamas stylee body garment going on, and an equally annoying big stick. its best if we just pass over 'bondage' boris (if you knew mart, you'd understand)... and if i'm honest, i don't think clive was my best fashion design moment, what with his big puffy trousers and assorted accessories - he did look a bit like some kind of mentalist man-butterfly... which is nice