writing... [flatbread]

word!!

or in this case, words...

still doodling away with some electronic weirdness over here on planet bwoi... but i can at this stage present to you an early (incomplete) draft of the lyrics to 'flatbread'...

its the one with at least half a shopping list, and a brief dabble in culinary territory...

not that you asked, but i am known for musing upon my own modus operandi, and it enables me to answer a question...

the question? do you ever write these things down?!

the answer? yes! and the paper is never bloody wide enough [must use less syllables]

[or get a bigger book]

they do actually all get written down at least once... sometimes its on a cardboard box, once in match on a paving stone, but i digress...

when i was on bridge FM, paul (the DJ) asked me whether i write the words or the music first... and really the answer is both... sometimes one-way, sometimes the other (nightmare answer i know - but its true)...

this one was words first, in the car, on the way back from the supermarket... and they're wrong. well the 'do-do do do' bit (kinda of a chorus) is anyway... now its much more science-y. some of the second verse is missing, and that last line is different (currently back to the monkey)...

structurally its a bit of a builder... but also a bit out there, but i like it, cos it allows me to repeat the "something missing... tiger, string-pull light... mirror" motif, and that was the late night 'eureka' line that made me want to roll with the idea...

i like the prawns line too...

so there you have it...

peace-out y'all

fb 8)

ps. i'd consider some-kinda prize if anyone out there fancies guess-humming the melody, and sending it to me?! i would say closest, but anything is good... reinterpretation is good for me too

beunos noches

the fatbwoi songbook VII - 1-800

look up in the sky... is it a bird? is it a plane?
omar daze... its a bwoi...
and what's with that completely ungraceful flapping action?!

yes its back, once again, the fatbwoi songbook... with more (and better) installments than star wars, and a chronology as confused as the saw movies... where would you be without it?!

requesting songsheets... but until i get a big ole' OHP, this'll have to do...

oft introduced as then one about god, which isn't strictly true (but chicken to god is a lovely progression)... occasionally more-accurately introduced as the one about tv evangelists and some of the crazy ideas they preach...

that's why the lyrics contain some 'far-out' stuff...

its like i dug that tune that genesis span many moons ago ('jesus he knows me'), but was unconvinced about the packaging or presentation (or something)...
________________________________

1-800

the jews killed jesus - so let's have a party
but i'm glad he was born - that's why the christmas started
well now he's dead you can have an egg
quick look busy jesus is coming
he gathered up twelve apostles
well you have to say that that was quite a posse
drank the holy wine and lost it
quick look busy jesus is coming

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you...

wanna get to heaven with no sacrifice
well i can sort that out - if you can pay the price
you see god he's good but i'm twice as nice
1-800-4-SALVATION
old school you wanna covet somebody
like a hippy wanna love somebody
let's get it on and brrrrp somebody
1-800-4-SALVATION

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you talk to me

say jesus
say hallelujah
say what is god - oh god is love
god is love
say jesus
say hallelujah
say what is god - oh god is love
god is love

wish religion could be more fun
you gotta picture the jesus with a laser gun
he's gonna honk some crack and brrrrp some nuns
1-800-4-SALVATION
have to wonder what god he would say
kinda different back in god's day
who is this god bloke anyway?!

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you through me
_________________________

just like that...

add a bit of stomping, (it sits nice with the shout-y middle eight) and job's a good 'un...

hold your hands up - hallelujah

the fatbwoi songbook VI - jazz hands

na na na na-na its the one and only B dubya O i...
na na na na-na or something similar from the street...

uhm... stop it now... word up you crazy cats, here be the third part of the second fatbwoi songbook trilogy (i was gonna try and work the word singular into that sentence, but it was getting a little bit unwieldy)... jazz hands

the on about... well i'll let you work that out for yourselves (answers on a postcard to fb13, bwoi-ton)... this is the one with the dance moves, and the counting to six in german... thang-shakin' fun in a bun...

and those dance moves... the first one is easy enough - freeze!! (do not pass go, there is a distinct lack of £200)...

the second...

jazz hands

eins... zwei... drei... vier... fünf... sechs...

HUH!

peace be with you...
don't have many friends make the nagging voices stop
there's always a reason...
never mind the bubbles - what they doin' at the top?!
coffee in the mornin' with the coke in the evenin'
coke in the mornin' with the coffee on top
choppin' up the charlie then you put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze... jazz hands

HUH!

stay pointless...
drive within the limits and look after yourself
and don't do the drugs...
got to look after your mental health
ever get the feeling that its moves a lil' faster
you're thinking pretty quickly - but you're talking to slow
so you scrape it off the paper and put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze... jazz hands

uhm...

a left, left and right and right
with my magic powder i can dance all night
left is left and right and right
she goes ba ba baa da ba ba baa
a left and left and right and right
with my magic powder i can dance all night
left is left and right and right
she goes ba ba baa da ba ba baa da ba ba baa da ba ba ba ba

HUH!

peace be with you...
don't have many friends make the nagging voices stop
there's always a reason...
never mind the bubbles - what they doin' at the top?!
coffee in the mornin' with the coke in the evenin'
coke in the mornin' with the coffee on top
choppin' up the charlie then you put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze...

HUH!
__________________________________________

just like that, and one day i will complete my designs for giant (white-gloved) jazz hands that i attach to my hips and join in with the actions... this whole playing a guitar thing is a bit of a pain in the ass re: jazz hands... (or any other action involving one or more hands)...

now i f i could just make them a lil' animatronic and get them either playing a cajon, or scratchin' on 1210's... well, then we'll be cooking with charcoal

happy time

the day before the election (contemporary like a time capsule)

transcript of improvised election song recorded the day before the election last year...lyrics were improvised from very loose general knowledege of how the election campaign had been proceeding, and newspaper headlines from that days editions of both the metro and the sun (admitedly stretching the definition of newspaper a lil' bit there)...

the one time i did political, and it still got run through the fatbwoi filter - right on 8) 

***warning... does contain several rude words, including repeated instances of  'that thing what we do in the riggin''***     __________________________________________________

the day before the election (in headlines)

don't leave us hangin' here just standin' here like 3 idiots in suits oh yeah
you know don't leave us hangin' nick clegg what do you think your going to do?
don't go and meet the audience, stand her with david cameron...
let's laugh at a-gordon brown
as he goes to shake the hand and he doesn't understand
why his personality it is not going down
cos nobody likes you gordon - cos you've got a face like an arse
nobody likes you david - because lets face it you're just too f***ing upper class
and the own-goals and sneaky tactics they're adding up
did a lie about the dodgy dealings?
yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but not but yeah but no but...
do you like my vicky pollard top
i wanna be mr david cameron look at my nice audi car
or it might be something from the eighties like a lan-ci-a
this is gordon brown we are the party with the serious policies
you are not electing a tv personality
don't do what we tell you... three leaders. david cameron what does he say?
lets ask him - he said nothing's getting done with labour
and a vote for us gives britain the break that it deserves
what what what what what... what what what
and nick cleggs says that people are sick to the back teeth
of the blue team and the red team
they're taking turns what about the yellow team?
well nick clegg we would elect you
if you had yourself a better leader like that paddy ashdown bloke
cos at least he got caught with his pants down...
do you see what we did there? oh yeah!
and the labour candidate stands by the worst pm comment
and phillipa stroud stands by the you can cure gays comment
but if you got cured by her then you could stay in
the bed and breakfast that belongs to the other one
the vote it is going to the wire
gordon brown said something about sarah but it went away
what did it say?
what do we stand for? here is a lot of words in a sheet 
that you're not gonna read from very far away
our at a glance guide to the parties - you what?
let's blast CO2 emissions? i think we're wandering off topic here
bring paxman back we need some jerry
oh jerry foss not jerry paxman, bring me jerry foss not jerry paxman
hmmmm hooo huuuh oooow ye-ahhh hooo
ah aaaaaaaaah-aaah-aaah-aaaaaaaaaah
carlos tevez has got manky hair
ah aaaaaaaaah-aaah-ooooooow

i can't see
sarah's been there all the way... i just love her
sarah tell me that you're going to stay - even when i'm on the dole
sarah now i'm, sad - i've got emotions

something rhymes with sad? bad?

and a rhyme with emotion? brad? rad? rad yeah

that's ice-cold baby, rad, slick, smooth as f***
          __________________________________________________ 

of course, it did wander-off a bit in the middle, but i reckon i'd got it back on course by the downbeat emo outro... as you do

happy time   

the fatbwoi songbook V - can you hear me now?

swingin' in from stage left (as from that way weirdness comes...) with a rebellious demeanour and a slight whiff of popcorn and blue... bustin' some ill advised body poppin' chops designed to make the ladies go... uhm, somewhere... its that one that's NOT called chymn (pronounced chime)

also available in (original) rap-metal variety... the one with the tupac, but probably distinctly lacking in biggie (them's just the facts)... and sometimes garnished with retro-hop rap badness (not included... please collect six vouchers, get a responsible adult* to cut them out and send them along with 60p P+P)

*do not allow the bwoi to handle scissors

i present to you thus...

Can You Hear Me Now? 

so, that train has left the station

ten out of ten for your observation

did you speak to ease the situation

or just because the air was vacant

always seems that something is missing

check it out in the back there's girls and they're kissing

always wanna try something different

it doesn't matter cos no-one's listening

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

said ah no no no... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

stop me if there's something that you don't get

cos' i'm not convinced that you're playing with a full-deck

the odds are stacked in this game of russian roulette

now place the barel upside your head

nobody said that this world was fair

the idea it is a-pretty much out there

and no-one wants to admit they're scared

but look at me does it look like i care

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

said ah no no no... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

(woo-oooh woo-oooh woo-oooh...)

i suppose that i really should mention

just what it is - just what are my intentions

i was born a mother of invention

i don't speak - and you feel the tension

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

i got nothing to say... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

now i've a-run out of patience

there's no more trains there's no more stations

did you speak to ease the situation

cos' its a-seeming to me that the air's still vacant

always seems like something is missing

check it out in the back those girls they're still kissing

always wanna try something different

it doesn't matter cos' no-one is listening

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

i got nothing to say... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

so oh my god... can you hear me now?

are you listening... can you hear me now?

i got nothin' to say... can you hear me now?

and are you happy now?

i don't think i have ever been as into trains as this song might suggest, but i do remember practising the lyrics whilst playing 'the square game' (a posh name for a time-wasting, hanging off the washing machine kinda game we used to play in front of my house - as you do) with kenyon... back int' day, and stuff... wrote it on the bass, the original chorus being one of those bwoi goes matt bellamy moments... happy time

"...now tell me where is clare at?"

ripped from the fatbwoi song book (april 2004)

...i have no idea who clare is. rather worryingly if it he/she/it that's not in the cupboard... then where the hell are they?!? its not like there's much space to hide anyone/thing in my flat, so surely i'd of tripped over clare by now...

who knows?! let i never be said that it makes too much sense (i've heard that before somewhere)...

i have a recording of it, its quite upbeat and not to bad for the time (all things considered), i just remember at the time i was still working on my range and less confident singing the high bits, i therefore wanted a female backing on the chorus... maybe one day eh?! 

clare

its not lost in the meaning

the rhyme it might be bleeding

a lot like desperation

but i think i should be feeling

you, or something abstract

roger - did you catch that

this is non-negotiation

now tell me where is clare at?

and i look, i search, i don't find... and i look, i search, i don't find

a freeze on information

just another nervous patient

who cares what i know?

just switch it to another station

where there's something different...

its not like i'm gone listen

'cos real time is money and i'm racked with indecision

and i look, i search, i don't find... and i look, i search, i don't find

the tenses drove me crazy

yet the grammar didn't phase me

slow retaliation - but the people are so friendly

but you, you're something out there...

well you must be somewhere

my cupboard's empty and there's a strange smell in the air

and i look, i search, i don't find... and i look, i search, i don't find

dub hop

dub hop

...one by one they're all coming down
and you can ask me when you want - but don't ask me now
just like a secret agent - with the gadgets and gun
got time to save the world - ad maybe have a little fun
said stop don't look now
you wouldn't if you could now
now step right back
the mission stays on track
cos its all about the feeling
and you can't appreciate that
sit back! relax! / chill-out! lay back!

two by two brother noah shipped them out
and the fact that there was water was never in doubt
but has the story changed just a little over time
or could it be the ageing of the human mind
said stop don't look now

you wouldn't if you could now

now step right back

the mission stays on track

cos its all about the feeling

and you can't appreciate that

sit back! relax! / chill-out! lay back!

born in three the bad luck always comes

but if you're living like that then you're always doin' sums

just adding up - all the bad things that have passed

and waiting for karma to come an kick your ass...

said stop don't look now

you wouldn't if you could now

now step right back

the mission stays on track

cos its all about the feeling

and you can't appreciate that

sit back! relax! / chill-out! lay back!

lifted from the fatbwoi songbook (circa 2007)...

[actually, splitting hairs its strictly speaking a 'roscoe' tune, but it came about during the transition period between r time and bwoi time...]  

...woke up singing this the other day, considering doing a re-recording of it 'cos the riff itself is pretty funky (and a bit dubby, but more the kind of mashed through the fatbwoi-filter-and-a-triplet-added-kinda-dub than the more traditional sort... naturally), it had a lead riff too (well minimalist by this one's standards)!!!

it would appear that i lifted the 'sit back/relax' section...

who'd make it so hard?!? 8)

fatbwoi live @ the cross keys 090411

...and with the sound of flapping curtains, he was gone.

or at least that's what he wanted her to believe, for at that precise moment a plan had been hatched, a plan so fiendish that it cannot be disclosed for it would sear the digital page onto which it was written...

a lil' last minute, but got the chance to lay down some tunes at the cross keys, in good ole' concrete-cow land on saturday... the bwoi, the hometown, and a pub with red stripe (and also nice lemonade) on tap - happy time

as an aside, you'd think that the quality of lemonade would be fairly consistent between drinking establishments... yeah right. trust me, when the clear bubbly business is the first drink you always head for, you get pretty good at judging these things... and some pubs can really f**k it up! not gonna name name's, but i do believe one special exception to that rule must be the lemonade i had at the meadow lark during the england/wales qualifier a couple of weeks ago... looked like misty soap and sediment filled tap water, tasted weird to odd...

verdict - worth going there just to buy one and look at it (food always smells nice... but then they have managed to balls up lemonade, so make of that what you will...)

anywho, saturday... there was some definite shaking of the thang, and i had me a most-excellent time...

there was some stuff about chicken, even the one about god (well tv evangelist's and their personalised interpretation of god, but you know what i mean...), zombie apocalypse survival lessons, but was struck me as a bit weird was playing 'back in the day'...

i've noticed, as my gigs have moved closer to home, that people start to recognise 'the sights' listed in the lyrics, and playing it in milton keynes, everybody knows what i'm talking about... they know what the h's and v's are (it was a bit weird for me having driven on them that very day), and have almost certainly seen a concrete cow (i believe mk currently has two sets?!?!)

and i got to wondering, would i have written the song the same if i still lived 'dahrn sarf'?! cos i probably wouldn't have written a dudley song whilst living in dudley...

there's a castle on the hill
town centre's looking kind of ill
you can see the flamingos from the bus
oh dudley

but then that's a completely different type of song altogether... and i guess we'll never know. (that's like a double barrelled answer to a single piece of musing right about there)

either way b.i.t.d seemed to go down quite well, as did the rest of the set... and i got to test the bar staff's skill at mixing red stripe and lemonade... verdict - pass 8)

all in, a lot of fun... thanks to stevie for letting me play, will just have to see what kind mischief i can get up to next time...

peace-out