Fatbwoi Live @ The Charter 060612

"i'm gonna start and end in the same place, 
but the journey there is gonna be uhm,... different"

these are the words i opened my set with last week at the charter... it was a return gig, having played there as part of the festival over the jubilee weekend, there was a lot of partying there over the bank holiday so something a lil' more chilled seemed in order...

opened with the chicken, as per my advisory intro... before a short 'zombie suite', one track short of a trilogy but i do think having an electronic AND acoustic zombie trilogy may be taking things a step too far...

there was a second outing for newbie 'luggage', the one with the happy eels vibe (and caught on camera in its early proto-form by stevie), which inspired a rare outing for 'beautiful blues' that was well received all round...

'bullet' drew a promise from stevie to dress up in a cape and boots at my next album launch gig... therefore it is imperative that i get my sh!t together and get the beast recorded...

i did play sunny afternoon on my last visit, but this time it was by request... it still rang true with what i said at the start, i played it much earlier in the set last time - so definitely a different way round :o

closed with the spy music... and the sexy chord - as you do!!

all-in a top night, always a pleasure, nice to meet some friends old and new... 

thanks as ever to stevie for having me over - thang officially shaken (even if in a slightly more laid-back manner)

until the next time, which is FOXTON LOCKS FESTIVAL...

peace-out y'all...

fb

Dear Mr Clostermann...

Dear Mr Clostermann,

how the devils be ye?! All good i hope...?!?

as you are aware, i recently purchased a techno-phone (one of those with a whole heap of technology that is probably capable of flying to the moon on its own, before plotting a second low-g launch and leaving us for mars...) which i have been having some 'moments' adjusting too...

the reason i have upgraded to such a technological marvel is complex and convoluted, and either based in a bunch of words that end in '...ivity', or some kind of mid-32 crisis, and for this reason i have decided not to explore them any further at this point...

the old 'touch screen-functionality' is something in particular i have been struggling with, although i do feel this may in part be connected to an age old memory of the 'search for books by sticking you greasy paws on the screen' machine that used to reside in CMK library... but i digress...

its mainly the getting it to type the word i actually asked it to type and not filling my t9 dictionary (predictive text being something i have avoided using on every other phone i have ever possessed) with random streams of letters and gibberish...

let us not mention the tweets involving the word "i'be", which whilst cute in its own kinda retro/ye-olde worlde way, is not something i would ever type... well certainly not with an apostrophe in it. "i are be not well" is a text i have sent this week, as is "i be king of the planets", note in neither case was an apostrophe deployed...

and this is where you come into the story... as you are aware, i did email you for advice on finding my dictionary, which after finding on the first day i had the phone had seemingly disappeared into a myriad of menus and button presses (including buttons which aren't actually buttons - most confusing)...

first i must thank you for your direction... it was clear, concise, and i managed to scrub some hideous amalgamations from my dictionary - good skills that man

secondly you made a recommendation, that i use swype... sent me a link and everything...

and this is where it all went a bit wrong... you see, you sent me a link for swype (one which i have since used, and dude "what a recommendation - thank you!!")... however my initial attempts to obtain this app were conducted via the medium of said techno-phone, which may in itself be foolish, but it lead me somewhere...

it lead me to a game called 'zombie swype'... and i think you know what happened next?! i saw the 'z' word, and we all know that i cannot be held responsible for my actions in the presence of the 'z' word...

so down it was loaded, unto techno phone...

and now i cannot stop playing it! i appear to have developed an addiction to poking zombies in the face... and watching them disappear...

i currently have the 3rd and 4th highest scores ever (there's only probably eight people who've downloaded it ever, or similar) and i have a feeling that 1st and 2nd will fall to me in the next 24 hours...

this game rules... its kicked a hole in my 'champ manager' addiction (if its good enough for plan b its good enough for me), but also appears to have curtailed the whole connectivity of techno phone as i am spending a large amount of time poking the living dead in the face...

if i put the phone down long enough, i may even complete the zombie trilogy with a song about the 'zombies that wolf gave me'...

so i must thank you once more for your most excellent recommendation... one i would pass on to all htc users with the words "thank wolf" (i told mel on saturday, she says 'thanks')... however should a the situation arise, can you please prefix (or suffix) the recommendation with

"go straight past the zombies, where available collect £200, but do not stop at zombie or else you will get very little done..."

i hope the world is good with you

big love

fatbwoi

'epic' propeller meltdown

the 'on the wonk-ness' of that propeller is scarin' me a bit now...

i should probably work on the whole "its gonna break free from its mount and come careening across the motorway" obsession i appear to have developed... whilst born in final destination, i just see the actual effect itself as more 'epic' - something more fitting of the global armageddon that is '2012'...

(oh no! he's back onto the end of the world again...)

sailed past corley at a rate of knots though (happy time), listening to ash's 'supersonic 7"s', which by some queer quirk of fate was exactly the same length as my journey (19 tracks - 74 mins), but has left me with an unnaturally strong urge to make some bouncy pop-punk...

let's just say, its probably a good job that i wasn't listening to 'the downward spiral'... step away from the cd player (industrial)bwoi...

today i learnt that when you move sainsburys closer to toys 'r' us, no-matter the size of the sainsburys, there is lil' point in having a toy section... and thus, they don't. why did you move sainsburys? why did you move? but then the move did lead to the introduction of up/down auto-walks (like an escalator without the steps) which are prone to issuing harsh diktats regarding an individuals behaviour whilst travelling there-on...

(that's like two steps south of skynet)

and parking sensors in the parking spaces... which caused me a bit of anguish (don't got them round here... they'd probably end up adorning the exterior and interior walls of most of the local populace) - techno-parking, whilst becoming more common is still a lil' far out for me...

(one step...)

but then i don't really trust microwaves...

there's something just not-quite-right about them...

(***ping***)

more likely that the end of the world will start in a car park though... actually that's a complete lie, its just i love the whole dark car park thing you get going on in zombie movies... car park, tunnel, wherever its dark... that way zombie-joy comes...

that probably needs refining further, as the (exterior, well lit) car park in the day of the dead remake does supply a few moments fo amusement (burt reynolds)... and the whole dead gathering 'in the lot' and at the doors of the mall is a zombie apocalypse i can really dig...

there's something about that whole impending doom kick that i jus' really like...

it was executed poorly in diary of the dead... (but we're not going there right now...)

although i'm not sure that giant propellers feature in a zombie apocalypse scenario... i don't know, the two just seem a lil' incongruous, more like something out of a superhero/apocalypse (non-zombie) movie...

which is a bit of a shame...

cos its just round the corner from corley (and there's as good a chance as any that it will start there*...)

far-out

*it probably won't to be fair... its sure to start somewhere much more sinister like that funny lil' building by the river in alverly with a sign about a chlorine warning alarm... chlorine? yeah right... they're probably (inadvertently) making zombies down there, hence the field of cows... for protection

there's no milk in the fridge... (love the quaid)

sun is shining,
the weather is sweet yeah, [bwoi],
make you wanna move those dancin' feet...

damn right finley...

there's gotta be something said for a tune that gets ya bogling like an eejit in a field... most likely "yeaman" - fits the bill and everything... 8)

you gotta love the quaye though...

...and the quaid. oh yes, you gotta love the quaid...

let's face it, anyone who was miniaturised, then injected into martin short and came out the other end fairly unaffected by the process deserves a prop or two...

smooth like a quaid

he also went inside meg ryan... whilst miniaturised, but i guess that got some serious connotations!!! (you know serious like y'know for real, as opposed to the other kind)

"the jack putter machine... zero defects!"

but i like the quaid... (i also like quato but that's another quaid again...) i guess he's become like a surrogate hopp to me... although i'm not sure i'm feeling a quaid as smart cracking one-thumbed bomber, unlike the hopp he tends to work better with all his limbs...

he's definitely 'grizzled' up a bit since the 80's... that pissed-up cafe owner type in legion is pretty cool, and as piss-heads go i'd be just as likely to follow him into a cave full of zombies as that rowan atkinson bloke in the original (and best) day of the dead...

i do reckon a quaid zombie film would be pretty cool... if he'd have been in charge of fiddler's green the people would've been more bad-ass, and he'd of probably had them living outside in lil' spiky igloos, surrounded by razor wire... these days he's like a slightly-more rough-and-ready hopp...

fiddler's green - living in the grand old style

if he was one of the gang, the quaid'd kick some serious zombie-ass (probably in stunningly low-tech ways), and certainly make it to almost the final scene before dying in a heroic "get the hell out of here" stylee...

i could easily see him makin' it to the end, and contemplating the world in a weary-eyed "i-guess-i-gone-have-to-whup-this-much-zombie-ass-everyday" kinda way as he drives across arizona in a station wagon filled with guns (and a gnarly old machete)...

"zombies, man. they creep me out."

if the modern quaid made a travel show it'd be a skin-a-bear-with-your-bare-teeth kind of affair... i wouldn't wanna be trapped in the andes with the quaid... whereas i reckon the hopp would probably opt for something with a constant number of walls, and a slice of luxury thrown in... (we're back to fiddler's green here)

i reckon by contrast, 'quato-quaid' (arnie) would be sh*t in the event of global zombie apocalypse... (just putting it out there)

don't you try and pull that conan sh*t in here...

fair-play, he gave pretty good against the predator... but then so did danny glover (make of that what you will... although the glover can rock)... i'm just not-thinking that zombies are his particular milieu... and i reckon his cheesy "let off some steam bennet" one-liners would probably get him in trouble... if not from the zombies, certainly from me...

but he would make a mighty cool zombie...

the fatbwoi tetralogy

Ladies and Crazy Cats... it is with great pleasure that i present to you...

The Fatbwoi Tetralogy

a series of four hand-painted silk cushions carrying a selection of bwoi related motifs... bringing to you the greatest of comfort, and the ultimate of band accessories...

bring the pinnacle of design home to your crib...

The Bwoi (streetstyle)

 the first two designs in the series feature logo's for both bwoi and bwoi's, mixing occasionally edgy 'street' vibes with funky psychedellic design...

The F5 Logo

  the latter half of the series references songs taken from a typical fatbwoi live set...

The Spinning Bird Kick

take the elegance of the spinning bird kick... what can you say but wah-ow?!

The Code Red/Bullet

and the all encompassing brilliance of the code red/bullet which not only has a zombie on it (stick-a-zombie-on-it), but also makes a sly nod to some cape-clad shenanigans, whilst acting as a subtle reminder of what to do in the event of the inevitable zombie apocalypse...

i make that a win/win

...this is a collection no home should be without!

"these truly are one of my favourite things ever..." - fatbwoi

this most-excellent works were crafted by the immensely talented heather collins...
with black and white designs by woody shearwood

the cleansing power of bleach... well it worked for bud

ye gads, he's back again... with more of this zombie business...

shoot - it was really a struggle not to write 'bizzle' or 'a-bizzle' there...

let's get this down straight... hangin' out with veggies who fancy you and then pouring bleach on them when they get bitten, is NOT an effective way to survive the zombie apocalypse. just putting it out there...

and for anyone who thinks that taking a machete to the infected area and then go for some serious fire/cauterisation a-bizzle on a stick... well, i think we've already been there...

but bleach does not a mong zombie make...

bud is not bub... this is science_FAKT... granted its a remake, but when you're gonna mess with elements of a story, there are certain places you just should not go... i mean really, that's offensive right about there...

and whilst we're on the subject, what's with the dead people climbing on the ceiling...?!? they sure as anything didn't do it when they were alive... does their decaying flesh mean they have extra sticky hands?!

legless ving rhames is fairly amusing though...

so remember... shoot it in the head, or severe the head and put it on a stick for comic effect...

...DON'T cover it in bleach, and stick a seatbelt on it!!

anywho, i reckon that bleach i got the other day would work much better... it does a kind of blue rinse thing, that one on the telebox looked a bit watery to me... that's probably why it didn't do no good...

bub, robert webb, prog... life's essentials

...so, i was like "yeah, i'd never move in anywhere that a retired brewer from toledo was interested in. and that my friend is science_FAKT."


and he just rolled his eyes.


this just in fresh off the mojo-wire... bub ("say hello to your aunt alisha bub") from day of the dead, and robert webb are in-fact the same person!!! say it ain't so...?!


ja for sure, and we got proof...
 

 robert webb... packin' heat

bub, bein' just about as cute as a zombie can be...

you gotta love bub, guess you gotta love doctor logan... sarah probably needs a better pair of trousers, and salazaar has got some serious issues... but i digress

the idea of an undead concept album was raised again today... although, as pitched, the idea did contain reference to vampires, which i have decided to ignore (rich is an "inestimably" lovely bloke, and recently stopped using product on his hair...)

i'm not sure of the right-ness of the idea in an acoustic format... not to say that i haven't considered it, i did and decided to put it off until i lapse into prog sometime in my dotage...

i had a bash at an electric one, the concept behind which was that of an 80's era 'wall street' style zombie civilisation... a concept that rapidly drifted when i found that i had a sample of a man sounding more than a little like bill clinton saying ass...

could always dub it up?