the sunshine vibe... [going all katy perry]

"Well, can you tell me what it feels like?"

"Fool, it's hot! I told you again! Were you born on the sun?! It's damn hot" 

well, its not actually that hot, but complaining about the weather is the national obsession...

although i for one have been rather enjoying it...

didn't i tell you, its hot, damn hot...

i'm less keen on the 'medallion man' triangle i appear to have developed on my chest whilst out and about today... (and if my face caught the sun, it could be that the beard is gonna have to stay awhile)

and you can't beat a bit of messin' with synths on a sunny day (esp. not the bass!!)...

Katy Perry... and watermelon

but what's all this got to do with katy perry?!

well, it has come to my attention, via the means of proper scientific analysis, that attempting to write synth lines on a sunny day inevitably leads to katy perry bubblegum sunshine-pop...

it is seriously true!! you start out all dank and dirty, and then a lil' bit just creeps in there...

you gotta be quick!! like that game with the moles and the hammers...

tbf bubblegum synth-pop is a genre that i have explored yet, and have no especial desire to at this time (i'm leaving it to my 50s, after my dub-freakout album)...

if it happens, you know exactly who/what to blame...

peace-out y'all

fb

writing... [flatbread]

word!!

or in this case, words...

still doodling away with some electronic weirdness over here on planet bwoi... but i can at this stage present to you an early (incomplete) draft of the lyrics to 'flatbread'...

its the one with at least half a shopping list, and a brief dabble in culinary territory...

not that you asked, but i am known for musing upon my own modus operandi, and it enables me to answer a question...

the question? do you ever write these things down?!

the answer? yes! and the paper is never bloody wide enough [must use less syllables]

[or get a bigger book]

they do actually all get written down at least once... sometimes its on a cardboard box, once in match on a paving stone, but i digress...

when i was on bridge FM, paul (the DJ) asked me whether i write the words or the music first... and really the answer is both... sometimes one-way, sometimes the other (nightmare answer i know - but its true)...

this one was words first, in the car, on the way back from the supermarket... and they're wrong. well the 'do-do do do' bit (kinda of a chorus) is anyway... now its much more science-y. some of the second verse is missing, and that last line is different (currently back to the monkey)...

structurally its a bit of a builder... but also a bit out there, but i like it, cos it allows me to repeat the "something missing... tiger, string-pull light... mirror" motif, and that was the late night 'eureka' line that made me want to roll with the idea...

i like the prawns line too...

so there you have it...

peace-out y'all

fb 8)

ps. i'd consider some-kinda prize if anyone out there fancies guess-humming the melody, and sending it to me?! i would say closest, but anything is good... reinterpretation is good for me too

beunos noches

writing and recording...

"Norway has trolls... so more power lines will be needed, that's just the way it is..."

word-up...

how the devil be thee?! all good i hope...?! life on planet bwoi has been proper hectic of late... mostly, as a way of celebrating the gradual return of my hearing, with the good stuff - the writing, the playing and the recording... and to make it just that lil' bit better, there's even a few gigs coming up...

happy time...

between one thing and another, there's definitely been a lot of writing recently... one i am hoping to debut on friday is tentatively called 'luggage', and has this kinda 'happy-eels' type vibe to it... there's a few more acoustic ones, that i shall be slipping into the set over the summer...

lately, i have been working on a couple of 'less' acoustic tunes... there's the TRE remix of 'Love Once', which has this retro-bigbeat/monster-synth vibe going on...

and then there's 'flatbread'... which is loosely based on a shopping list. initially i was aiming for a 90's b-side kinda vibe, with definite hints of 'go to the bank' by james... not a b-side i know, but definitely the kinda start point i was thinking of...

a flatbread, although not the one i was singing about...

it has admittedly 'wandered off' a bit, but is nearly finished and ready to make happy in your ear-holes...

its got aliens, flatbread, (conspiracy) intrigue, and a healthy slice of weirdness (whether or not the sound of pan-fried bacon makes it to the final mix remains to be seen)... pretty much what you've come to expect after all this time...

thus i shall leave you, for now, with this lil' couplet, which may/may-not explain something/everything/nothing [delete as applicable]...

"there's a little piece missing from deep inside the tiger...
there's a string-pull light sits on top of the mirror..."

alles klar?! though not...

i hope the world is good with y'all... i shall return, for now, to my beavering...

peace-out y'all

fb

Hoodwinked

it has been said, on occasion, that i have questionable taste in films...

there maybe some truth in that...

but in contrast to my usual zombie-related fare, i am currently 'proper feeling' the hoodwinked vibe...

and if you haven't seen it (i'm not known for being especially up-to-date, so chances are it may have gone global with me none the wiser) - i recommend you check it out!

its like a post-modern take on little red riding hood... and in a bizarre take on the way things normally go, its got songs in it and i like it! i've seen/heard the 'd-na-me-tay' joke somewhere before - but i'll let it off...

[as an interesting aside, i heard the jo brand hignfy "make the cockneys love abu qatada" gag before on the wireless... they were both broadcast by the bbc, hence the 'cross-referencing, by punt and dennis' execution was much better]

anyway, assuming you haven't seen hoodwinked, i shouldn't really tell you anything more about the plot than i already have...

i like the goat...

thing is, i tend to listen to hoodwinked a lot more than i watch (you know how it goes)...

and i've come to the realisation that its almost certainly one of my favourite in-film soundtracks ever...

it has been said that i have questionable taste in film soundtracks (although much less often), just putting it out there - also on the list is the billy corgan 'dicking around' on mel gibson vehicle 'ransom'...

but i digress... the opening number (aside from the dvd music which is pretty funky the first 20 or so times) sounds like something on mr e's first solo album with a really nice melody... later on there's 'red is blue' which has a proper 90's ethereal shoe-gaze vibe about it... and there's even some angular punk...

nice...

oh yeah... and the goat.

i like the goat.

he's been cursed, and has to sing everything...

he also has interchangeable horns...

i'm not normally big on the banjo/buegrass/yodelling, but its impossible to like the goat without likin' his song - because of his affliction...

he's a pretty darn melodic goat - check it out
 

and of course, here it is again - backwards!!!

so does this sudden liking for 'goat music' mean there maybe something bluegrass-y coming off of planet bwoi soon?! probably not... 

unless its going backwards... 8)

Fatbwoi Live @ Sunnyside 170412

"but i guess first up i have to apologise to anybody on this side of the room, as owing to being unable to hear out of 'this' ear, tonight i am only receiving (and therefore also only transmitting) in mono..."

"should be all right if you scooch round a bit though..."

allo!! 'ow the devil are you?!

took to the stage tuesday, to shake a lil' thang at sunnyside, with the wildfire sessions crew...

its an ace venue, not one that i have played before, but i certainly look forward to playing there again...

also playing were KRAB, i really enjoyed their feature-set, where-in one half of the duo did christen his first new guitar for 45 years... which in itself is pretty gosh-darn mind boggling...

immediately before me was a short open mic set from andreas rose... he had some funky bluesy grooves, which he delivered in a nice upbeat style... (i think he 'set the stage' quite nicely for me) - i'll definitely be keeping an eye out for him in future...

and as for me...

opened with the one about the chicken, before lurching off into the one with the dance moves... i quite like this as an opening combo, i think it can be a bit mood dependent whether i go with this or the stompier 1-800 combo... but this way round is currently doing it for me...

and it also leaves a nice lil' "bite me" (brass section included) sized space... before i generally pause, and try and figure out just what the hell is going on...

although, to be fair, that's probably just my 'default' setting...

there was another outing for new-one 'modern condition' too... i really enjoyed playing that one, especially as its moved into the 'live mutations' phase of being... i know it fits because i know its alive...

all-in, a top night... i even forgot that i was only receiving in mono once i got into the swing of things. maximum thanks must go out once more to stevie and the wildfire sessions crew for having me over, and to all the crazy cats who came out to play... i had a  lot of fun... i hope you did too

so, until the next time (270412 @ The O.U. Cellar Bar)...

peace-out y'all

fb

let's talk about plex baby...

sorry, this reports's coming in a bit late... 

but you know what the doctor said, time is not a straight forward a to b, its a complex wibbly wobbly mass of timey wimey type business... (and there was something else which i forget, but you get the picture) suffice to say, time is like jazz...

yeah, just like jazz...

went on a lil' road-trip on sunday night to see those top-types at the plex...

the aim? to do an interview and record a live video for my choice of tune... it was jazz hands.

the interviewer was the eve-lovely katy jay, and i had a lot of fun doing it... we touched on my plans for 2012,  releasing parva doodles, where i like gigging, and my taste/background in music...

at that point i realised that's probably a whole interview in itself, and as its a question i get asked a lot, i think this is something i am gonna have to double back to...

like mastermind... but not

also learnt whilst filming, that chairs definitely aren't for me... in a sitting down whilst playing sense. which means for me to ever execute a 'stand-up for the key change' type manoeuvre i'm gonna need some of those 'pogo shoes'... 

so maximum thanks to andy for having me down, and to katy, paul and pete for all their help...

i had a top evening, and some coffee too [after a while]... it was fun shaking my thang sans microphone on the psychedelic stage, can't wait to see how it all came out...

until the next time y'all... 8)

the fatbwoi songbook VII - 1-800

look up in the sky... is it a bird? is it a plane?
omar daze... its a bwoi...
and what's with that completely ungraceful flapping action?!

yes its back, once again, the fatbwoi songbook... with more (and better) installments than star wars, and a chronology as confused as the saw movies... where would you be without it?!

requesting songsheets... but until i get a big ole' OHP, this'll have to do...

oft introduced as then one about god, which isn't strictly true (but chicken to god is a lovely progression)... occasionally more-accurately introduced as the one about tv evangelists and some of the crazy ideas they preach...

that's why the lyrics contain some 'far-out' stuff...

its like i dug that tune that genesis span many moons ago ('jesus he knows me'), but was unconvinced about the packaging or presentation (or something)...
________________________________

1-800

the jews killed jesus - so let's have a party
but i'm glad he was born - that's why the christmas started
well now he's dead you can have an egg
quick look busy jesus is coming
he gathered up twelve apostles
well you have to say that that was quite a posse
drank the holy wine and lost it
quick look busy jesus is coming

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you...

wanna get to heaven with no sacrifice
well i can sort that out - if you can pay the price
you see god he's good but i'm twice as nice
1-800-4-SALVATION
old school you wanna covet somebody
like a hippy wanna love somebody
let's get it on and brrrrp somebody
1-800-4-SALVATION

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you talk to me

say jesus
say hallelujah
say what is god - oh god is love
god is love
say jesus
say hallelujah
say what is god - oh god is love
god is love

wish religion could be more fun
you gotta picture the jesus with a laser gun
he's gonna honk some crack and brrrrp some nuns
1-800-4-SALVATION
have to wonder what god he would say
kinda different back in god's day
who is this god bloke anyway?!

hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna know if god is talkin' to ya
hold your hands up - hallelujah
you wanna talk to god well you through me
_________________________

just like that...

add a bit of stomping, (it sits nice with the shout-y middle eight) and job's a good 'un...

hold your hands up - hallelujah

proto-roscoe music... (everyone needs someone)

ghetto's look the best...

when they've been blessed...

and spot-lit on...

a stage...

...yeah man, that's exactly how that thought looked in my head too...

listened to this a couple of times in the last few days...

i go through phases with it, its about 7 (even quite possibly 8) years old, and a genuine heavens-to-betsy example of proto-roscoe music... the importance of which will become clear later on...

short answer, is that its part of the answer to 'that' question - "what would it sound like if fatbwoi made electronic music?" (or quite possibly "what does the bwoi sound like when he's playing something else?" regardless of whether or not either of these questions were actually asked...)

this one is from my days in 'the kiosk'... we were like spiritual experimental rock/dance/alternative crossover... (quite possibly a genre before its time), a 3 piece consisting of me on sampler, synths, guitar and occasional bass; a guy called phil on battered acoustic and occasional bass; and the legend johnathan bannister on vocals, sometimes bass and assorted percussion, wind and prayer instruments... 

we had quite a few tracks, generally built around beats and deceptively complex layers of sound provided by the big red sampler... the use of which did lead to a few hairy program changes at times when i was supposed to be playing the guitar...

this is the track where i snuck a pseudo-reggae breakdown in whilst the other two were making a cup of tea... oops...

the flute at the end (when the whole 16th century vibe kicks in) is a beautiful lil' thing, and probably deserved recording in a much more professional manner than it was... but we were running this whole lo-fi trip at the time, so y'know...

but yeaman, it bounces along on its own pitch-shifted hi-hats tip quite happily, and features a judicious application of ludicrous effects... personally, i don't see what more a producer could ask for...

so if you ever wonder what i sound like armed with a sampler, as part of an experimental trio (or even if you haven't), why not give it a whirl?!

you can listen to it, and even download it for free (in glorious mp3 format), should you so desire, from last.fm... via the magic of the link below...

http://www.last.fm/music/The+Kiosk/_/Everyone+Needs+Someone

my lil' rhyming dictionary...

"along came a spider... he was freaky like dracula..."

"yeah, nice rhyme keith"

you gotta love rhyming dictionaries...

at least, someone has to otherwise they'd feel all useless and lonely...

i've got one, someone got it for me as a present many many years ago, when i was just getting my head around this whole song-writing tip... and i must have used it uhm... loads of times. 

although generally for the exact opposite purpose for which it was intended... choosing words to be avoided...

mr meph soars over wittenburg (allegedly) 

i did once start writing a song exclusively using rhymes from the lil' blue book, i chose '-e(a)se' as my starting point, within the first three lines there's reference to both staples of modern song-writing... mephistopheles and journalese... (it had a proper old-skool 8-bit beat behind it - probably best we leave it at that)   

although it was probably better than my anti-limp bizkit rap song... that had some cheese-tastic distortion sample through delay... some nice word-play (complete with a tongue in cheek nod to white zombie), but terrible music...

my lil' pocket rhyming dictionary

but the dictionary... what is it about...

i just don't get it, although in this particular case it may be one of those cases of idea vs. execution, the idea itself i am properly down with... its execution, especially in this case, much less so...

but then my rhyming dictionary is pocket-sized, i know they had to filter something out to shrink it in size, and i can't help but wonder if it was the human element that was sacrificed...

it does read like it was written by a computer, quite a gormless one at that... put plainly some of the words don't actually rhyme... yes its partly dialectal variance at fault for this, they probably all rhyme perfectly when 'sung' by a bbc electron...

furthermore the word-choice with-in is at times just plain bizarre...

its a fair bet that even the slowest of songwriter would realise that any word ending with head will rhyme with another word ending in head... although you could just devote several pages to a list of x-head words, some of which were never meant to find their way into song...

here's one...

a rhyme for '-illum'...

try 'chillum' or 'vexillum'...

right... ok, so its not much of a push to get 'chillum' into a song about smoking, but i'm not sure how'd you'd wedge a refernce to a roman military standard into the same track...

and i am sure it makes words up... i'd cite one right now (the most obvious example i've ever found was 'fuckarenee'), but they hide so well within the massive lists of words and i am tired right about now, so they are not forthcoming...

there's some commercial stuff that just sounds like it was lifted from the 'world's first syrupy cheese rhyming dictionary'... proper mushy-bizzle, and personally i think there should be a law against cheese-rhyming 'heart' with 'apart', cos like everybody already been there and uhm,... done that...

there's a particular song on the wireless at the moment with rhymes so bad, they actually cause me excruciating physical pain... i have no idea what its called (maybe i have blotted that out), but i literally cannot listen to it - the songwriting is soooo laboured that even its 'adorable anthemic' pop sheen can make it worth the effort... 

matt bellamy is guilty of a few stinkers, "holes in our souls" in 'screenager' is a particular one that springs to mind... but i know that we can let him off, owing to him being a sh!t-hot guitarist and all-round good (properly frazzled) egg...

hair-cut... (bad-rhyme)

i think the problem that i have with rhyming dictionary's is that i don't tend to rhyme the last syllable of a word, it tends to be the penultimate syllable... and apparently they didn't make a book for doing that yet...

rhyming that way fits with some of the faster more staccato (rap) deliveries, and i've noticed a tendency to sometimes slur syllables into the rhyme, or move the position of the rhyme through the line...

with a fast delivery the rhyme can also be created through the phrasing of individual syllables, rather than their content... practician that!

i've also noticed that over time i have moved to longer rhyme schemes... sometimes it'll be the first and last line of a verse, or open with a couplet and then don't rhyme the end of the verse... 

its definitely more about the content than the sounds...

and there isn't a dictionary for that...

  

the fatbwoi songbook VI - jazz hands

na na na na-na its the one and only B dubya O i...
na na na na-na or something similar from the street...

uhm... stop it now... word up you crazy cats, here be the third part of the second fatbwoi songbook trilogy (i was gonna try and work the word singular into that sentence, but it was getting a little bit unwieldy)... jazz hands

the on about... well i'll let you work that out for yourselves (answers on a postcard to fb13, bwoi-ton)... this is the one with the dance moves, and the counting to six in german... thang-shakin' fun in a bun...

and those dance moves... the first one is easy enough - freeze!! (do not pass go, there is a distinct lack of £200)...

the second...

jazz hands

eins... zwei... drei... vier... fünf... sechs...

HUH!

peace be with you...
don't have many friends make the nagging voices stop
there's always a reason...
never mind the bubbles - what they doin' at the top?!
coffee in the mornin' with the coke in the evenin'
coke in the mornin' with the coffee on top
choppin' up the charlie then you put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze... jazz hands

HUH!

stay pointless...
drive within the limits and look after yourself
and don't do the drugs...
got to look after your mental health
ever get the feeling that its moves a lil' faster
you're thinking pretty quickly - but you're talking to slow
so you scrape it off the paper and put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze... jazz hands

uhm...

a left, left and right and right
with my magic powder i can dance all night
left is left and right and right
she goes ba ba baa da ba ba baa
a left and left and right and right
with my magic powder i can dance all night
left is left and right and right
she goes ba ba baa da ba ba baa da ba ba baa da ba ba ba ba

HUH!

peace be with you...
don't have many friends make the nagging voices stop
there's always a reason...
never mind the bubbles - what they doin' at the top?!
coffee in the mornin' with the coke in the evenin'
coke in the mornin' with the coffee on top
choppin' up the charlie then you put it in the coffee
twitch away the evening so the coffee has to stop

when you think that you find that you're out of your mind
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
and you can't be sure... is this the cure?
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
there's no charity cos' its all about me
you gotta freeze... jazz hands
this is not masturbation just touch the occasion
you gotta freeze...

HUH!
__________________________________________

just like that, and one day i will complete my designs for giant (white-gloved) jazz hands that i attach to my hips and join in with the actions... this whole playing a guitar thing is a bit of a pain in the ass re: jazz hands... (or any other action involving one or more hands)...

now i f i could just make them a lil' animatronic and get them either playing a cajon, or scratchin' on 1210's... well, then we'll be cooking with charcoal

happy time

the fatbwoi songbook V - can you hear me now?

swingin' in from stage left (as from that way weirdness comes...) with a rebellious demeanour and a slight whiff of popcorn and blue... bustin' some ill advised body poppin' chops designed to make the ladies go... uhm, somewhere... its that one that's NOT called chymn (pronounced chime)

also available in (original) rap-metal variety... the one with the tupac, but probably distinctly lacking in biggie (them's just the facts)... and sometimes garnished with retro-hop rap badness (not included... please collect six vouchers, get a responsible adult* to cut them out and send them along with 60p P+P)

*do not allow the bwoi to handle scissors

i present to you thus...

Can You Hear Me Now? 

so, that train has left the station

ten out of ten for your observation

did you speak to ease the situation

or just because the air was vacant

always seems that something is missing

check it out in the back there's girls and they're kissing

always wanna try something different

it doesn't matter cos no-one's listening

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

said ah no no no... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

stop me if there's something that you don't get

cos' i'm not convinced that you're playing with a full-deck

the odds are stacked in this game of russian roulette

now place the barel upside your head

nobody said that this world was fair

the idea it is a-pretty much out there

and no-one wants to admit they're scared

but look at me does it look like i care

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

said ah no no no... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

(woo-oooh woo-oooh woo-oooh...)

i suppose that i really should mention

just what it is - just what are my intentions

i was born a mother of invention

i don't speak - and you feel the tension

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

i got nothing to say... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

now i've a-run out of patience

there's no more trains there's no more stations

did you speak to ease the situation

cos' its a-seeming to me that the air's still vacant

always seems like something is missing

check it out in the back those girls they're still kissing

always wanna try something different

it doesn't matter cos' no-one is listening

so... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

i got nothing to say... can you hear me now?

can you hear me now?

so oh my god... can you hear me now?

are you listening... can you hear me now?

i got nothin' to say... can you hear me now?

and are you happy now?

i don't think i have ever been as into trains as this song might suggest, but i do remember practising the lyrics whilst playing 'the square game' (a posh name for a time-wasting, hanging off the washing machine kinda game we used to play in front of my house - as you do) with kenyon... back int' day, and stuff... wrote it on the bass, the original chorus being one of those bwoi goes matt bellamy moments... happy time

the wheels of steel.. (a kinda lo-res last.fm)

"...so what does fatbwoi listen to?"

i get asked that all the time, usually around the point that people realise my knowledge of guitarists (and most of the regular tunes people know how to play) is *extremely* uhm,... poor

when asked to name fifteen guitarists who inspired me, i got seriously stuck around six...

and i apparently don't have the attention span to do the infamous '30 day song challenge', plus there's all the negative 'ooh name a song you hate' days which i quite frankly can't be dealing with...

so here, in a lo-res last.fm stylee (no scrobbling here - just typin') is an attempt to go some way towards answering the question... the last ten songs i listened to (like a snapshot of a moment in time...)

intergalactic - beastie boys
i want you around for this melody - gideon conn
electrobank - the chemical brothers
push th' lil' daisies - ween
stop it you're killing me - therapy?
true skool - coldcut ft. roots manuva
g.d.m.f.s.o.b. (unkle uncensored remix) - dj shadow ft. roots manuva
ooh la la - the wiseguys
million suns - ooberman
every single day - dodgy

what's up next...?

coffee

the fatbwoi songbook IV - the soulcalibur song

na na na na naa (or something)...

but do you know what time it is?!
4.30... (its not late, its early...) but seriously, you crazy cats it is time for the fourth installment of the fatbwoi songbook...

the second trilogy... a bit like star wars, except in this case they come along quicker and there is nothing as exceptionally whack as the phantom menace... yes we get the idea george, he's an exceptional pilot, now please don't put him in the yellow ship...

oh - too late.

this is the one about the fighting games, specifically soulcalibur, and playing your mate at it so obssessively that nothing else is real... the hours of tappping buttons and developing combinations, for that moment of oh so sweet victory... the days devoted to unlocking items of clothing to pimp out your character... oh yes, its not just about beating your friend... its about looking damn good whilst you're doing it... its about going outside and being surprised that people are wearing normal clothes...

although the extra observant will notice that spinning bird kick, hadouken and yoga x are all ripped from streetfighter... i guess capcom just cornered the market on chorus-worthy combat noises - right on.

altogether now... (wah-ow) spinning birdkick

the soulcalibur song

well it appears i have to teach you with pain

who are you? what are you? tell me your name...

and don't you ever underestimate...

the strength of your opponent (no)

well now its time for me you to maim

your stats they are not as good as you claim

through the combinations or the chaos play

the result will be the same

(she gives me)

(wah-ow) spinning bird kick

(wah-ow) hadouken

(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all

(wah-ow) spinning bird kick

(wah-ow) hadouken

(wah-ow) yoga flame

well, daisy doesn't like suzy q
although they used to be friends
some hardcore bisexual issues
caused their friendship to end (woo woo woo)
and now they fight at every opportunity (oh yeah)
its daisy with those nun-chucks and suzy with a big stick (oh baby)
and they will fight for all eternity
and nobody knows who will win... cos its a grudge match

(she gives me)
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) yoga flame

[spoken]
triangle triangle square, you gotta press left a bit
you can't actually get him in the face from there
he's like that green guy from streetfighter two, with the electricity stuff - yeah blanka
(try some) L1 R1 L1 R1 L1 R1 L1 R1 too late - you're dead - its my go...

(she gives me)
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) yoga flame

oh no submit to me - don't take me lightly
beg me forgiveness - this is naughty naughty
what is it? well its elmination by force
oh baby i love these life or death decisions

(she gives me)
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) yoga flame

well daisy she don't like suzy q,
and suzy q she does not like daisy...
and boris was never that keen on clive
cos he thinks his dress sense is a lil' crazy...

(she gives me)
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick
(wah-ow) hadouken
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick with the yoga fire y'all
(wah-ow) spinning bird kick

(wah-ow) hadouken

(wah-ow) yoga flame

gonna kick your ass again

daisy was my character... she had this urban terrorist chic going on (beret and a face-mask)... suzy q was mart's character who had this annoying stripey pyjamas stylee body garment going on, and an equally annoying big stick. its best if we just pass over 'bondage' boris (if you knew mart, you'd understand)... and if i'm honest, i don't think clive was my best fashion design moment, what with his big puffy trousers and assorted accessories - he did look a bit like some kind of mentalist man-butterfly... which is nice

the dishwasher got swing... (not the washing machine, martin)

"what? you can't be serious?!"
"yeah, and then he kinda shambled on like this..."
"shambled?"
"exactly."
"oh."

so i was listening to the dishwasher the other night (not my dishwasher, i don't have one - the main reason being that dave [still not my cat] insists they're bad for the general feng shui of my place), and i have to admit it was one of the coolest dish washers i've ever heard...

its a lot cooler than that dishwasher the eastender's writer's had martin dancing to when he was hiding out, off his box, in the laundrette sometime way back in y2k...

personally i reckon they missed a trick, i reckon they should've put martin in joe absolom's tin-foil covered room for his own shiny uber-disco experience... but i may be getting confused with time.

let's face it though, washing machines are only really good for percussive sounds... you can get some lovely bangs and booms out of a washing machine that'll nicely compliment any sampled 'kitchen drum kit'... but the noise they make in operation (as it were) is uhm,... much less good.

but this dishwasher... it was proper jazzy. it was layin' down a lovely bit with just a slice of swing... we're talkin' proper groovy... took less than a minute to get me humming a bass line over the top of it, and swingin' my hips...

i was dancing better than martin (scienceFAKT)

got me thinkin' though...

if different brands make different noises, and should i ever be in a position to buy a dishwasher...

will the people in the shop let me load them all up and set them off to establish which one has the best groove?!? i'm thinkin' now that i have heard the swing-jazz-no-washer i'd be proper pissed if ended up with the techno-viking of the dishwasher world...

would it be wrong if you ended up buying the worlds least efficient appliance (in some real cack colour) because it played a better song?

and while we're on the subject, does anybody know of a hoover that's in a more musical key than the 'one-wheeled-"the-boss"' that lurks in my cupboard?!

awfully deep

right about here... this is awfully deep...

mighty tremendous deep...

this is not naming the guy on the comms 'spitter'... (which can be quite amusing)

this is not re-branding yourself to sound like a premium item of the mcdonald's menu... (you're not that kind of nugget)

nor is it flipping letters backwards... (do they do parcour?)

or misspelling - although it does, on occasion, feature...

this sh*t is deep...

proper deep