"...now tell me where is clare at?"

ripped from the fatbwoi song book (april 2004)

...i have no idea who clare is. rather worryingly if it he/she/it that's not in the cupboard... then where the hell are they?!? its not like there's much space to hide anyone/thing in my flat, so surely i'd of tripped over clare by now...

who knows?! let i never be said that it makes too much sense (i've heard that before somewhere)...

i have a recording of it, its quite upbeat and not to bad for the time (all things considered), i just remember at the time i was still working on my range and less confident singing the high bits, i therefore wanted a female backing on the chorus... maybe one day eh?! 

clare

its not lost in the meaning

the rhyme it might be bleeding

a lot like desperation

but i think i should be feeling

you, or something abstract

roger - did you catch that

this is non-negotiation

now tell me where is clare at?

and i look, i search, i don't find... and i look, i search, i don't find

a freeze on information

just another nervous patient

who cares what i know?

just switch it to another station

where there's something different...

its not like i'm gone listen

'cos real time is money and i'm racked with indecision

and i look, i search, i don't find... and i look, i search, i don't find

the tenses drove me crazy

yet the grammar didn't phase me

slow retaliation - but the people are so friendly

but you, you're something out there...

well you must be somewhere

my cupboard's empty and there's a strange smell in the air

and i look, i search, i don't find... and i look, i search, i don't find

the little plant that can't...

my plant is dead - again... (or is it?!)

by my plant, i mean 'the' plant... the freaky one that sits on the kitchen window ledge occasionally sprouting audrey-esque fronds and mad pink flowers...

it also has a habit of dying... like properly going brown and dripping bits off all over the shop, before receding into the pot and out of view... and then just when i start to get bored of having an empty pot by the window, back it comes slightly more random than before...

its done it like eleven times...

i have no idea what kind of plant it is... i only ever once saw one outside of my house, and that was hanging above somebodies door... it had pink flowers and dangly fronds - its owner didn't know what it was/where it was from, but his seemed to die less than mine...

it is dead again...

only its not... there's another couple of mad audrey fronds, and a leaf on the far side of the pot... the mass in the middle of the pot looks for all the world like an avocado... but without the orange...

there also appears to be some form of miniature fern growing in the pot too... it looks a bit jurassic, i have no idea where it came from...

i reckon 'the' plant is probably into reincarnation, and has died so many times that we are starting to find manifestations there-of within my pad... ooo-er

my towel smells like garlic

but back with the jurassic, my knobbly cactus that never does anything save look knobbly and spiky has flowered!! about 15 of the beggars, that close at night... its hard to tell whether or not it has grown, it being a shapeless knobbly mass...

the succulent has grown, and has now decided it doesn't like the sun and is growing away from it (the last month of growing towards it obviously being a cunning ruse) and directly into my living room...

am i worried that i have in fact populated my house with triffids? a little...

i replanted some of the pods which fell of the damn-spiky kami-cactus (which grows in its own unique, and also highly irregular, style) ...and they appear to have sprouted! lil' mini-cacti with even smallers pods there-on - fabulous...

the kami-cactus (and pods) breakin' out all over the shop...

its creating great new cover for me transformers... 

hell yeah!! the battle continues, its looking a bit like a strangely diminished and sun-faded (it'll be all those years floating in space) unicron may just get the jump on mirage... but prime is lurking behind the kami-cactus with his huge cannon out (hur hur hur)...

hot rod is down the other end getting his ass whooped by (original) soundwave... because some things just have to be the way they be...

however some of the kami-cactus pods did less well...

cliff-jumper looks like he may have eaten some peyote and is tripping out at the cactus... 

this might also explain the excess of bumblebee's...

i've said too much...

the fatbwoi gerbil army...

if i tap on the floor, really loud... he'll probably go away...

b is having a panic... he is in fact the worlds shyest gerbil, his brother is working on 'the tube' (again) - he is probably the world's most persistent gerbil... if its a metal bar, he will destroy it; 'the tube', he will destroy it, and so on and so forth...

thing is what fid has in lean muscular strength, he lacks in technique... there's only one of these gerbils can efficiently destroy a toilet roll, the other one just works his way straight down the middle of the tube and ends up sitting in a giant u-shaped length of cardboard... lame.

b is highly intelligent, if a lil' nervous with it... but is a touch on the feeble side when it comes to traditional gerbil activities like scratching and trying to dig up. much than fid better at crafting a bed though...

the bed making process does not appear to be a democratic one...

it seems like the first gerbil to get bored of running round shocked at the new/clean-ness of everything and stick some bedding down somewhere is the gerbil that decides where the bed is built...

so we can all guess who started the one directly under the water bottle can't we...

word up you crazy cats... this is the fatbwoi gerbil army, the sweetest smelling army in the world*... they like melon and they make a lot of noise.

these are the facts

fid likes a bit of dub, but b is more of a soul man...

they'd generally prefer it it i put the guitar down...

happy time

(*to a given value of sweet not necessarily including what is traditionally regarded as sweet, and also to a given value of world not necessarily representative of the world)

dub hop

dub hop

...one by one they're all coming down
and you can ask me when you want - but don't ask me now
just like a secret agent - with the gadgets and gun
got time to save the world - ad maybe have a little fun
said stop don't look now
you wouldn't if you could now
now step right back
the mission stays on track
cos its all about the feeling
and you can't appreciate that
sit back! relax! / chill-out! lay back!

two by two brother noah shipped them out
and the fact that there was water was never in doubt
but has the story changed just a little over time
or could it be the ageing of the human mind
said stop don't look now

you wouldn't if you could now

now step right back

the mission stays on track

cos its all about the feeling

and you can't appreciate that

sit back! relax! / chill-out! lay back!

born in three the bad luck always comes

but if you're living like that then you're always doin' sums

just adding up - all the bad things that have passed

and waiting for karma to come an kick your ass...

said stop don't look now

you wouldn't if you could now

now step right back

the mission stays on track

cos its all about the feeling

and you can't appreciate that

sit back! relax! / chill-out! lay back!

lifted from the fatbwoi songbook (circa 2007)...

[actually, splitting hairs its strictly speaking a 'roscoe' tune, but it came about during the transition period between r time and bwoi time...]  

...woke up singing this the other day, considering doing a re-recording of it 'cos the riff itself is pretty funky (and a bit dubby, but more the kind of mashed through the fatbwoi-filter-and-a-triplet-added-kinda-dub than the more traditional sort... naturally), it had a lead riff too (well minimalist by this one's standards)!!!

it would appear that i lifted the 'sit back/relax' section...

who'd make it so hard?!? 8)

i may just try throwing some shapes at it...

time team, for the next round
you're another team member and ten seconds down
you press a button and the buzzer sounds
now let's play for real money

yea... it would seem that, apparently, i did once write a quiz show song... i'd say loosely based on the weakest link, but that doesn't have buzzers (maybe i was worried about copyright infringement... or revealing myself as a complete and total geek)

i quite often hum the theme tune to family fortunes (the old one with les what's-his-face), especially whilst cooking... and i wrote a tune based on the the original battlestar galactica theme tune ('upswung' via the fatbwoi filter obviously), with words about uhm,... battlestar galactica.

its actually a nice progression, although as a solo acoustic tune i can't see any real way out of it apart from repeating the last two chords (C and D) and then sloping off into G... which is a bit cheesy. the original works by throwing in one of those thoughtful 'luke skywalker staring at the sun on tatooine' type-bits... not especially feeling that section tbh...

as a whole, it needs 'darkening' up a bit, as its a bit major-y atm, so i may try just throwing some shapes at it - the lyrics need to go though...

twitch away the evening
so the coffee has to stop

the original battlestar galactica was pretty 'major-y' as a whole... what was going on with some of those velour uniforms on the commanders, and that robot dog... i reckon the big block-y cylons were much more menacing than those in the new series though... you gotta love the eyes, and not being cgi they seem a bit more solid...

the skirts were a bit whack though...

i actually really like the new series, and despite my natural mistrust of cgi, i definitely think it looks better... (grittier), i haven't watched all of it and i have a horrible feeling that i already know how it ends... (friends who dig sci-fi... who'd have 'em?!).

i haven't seen 'bsg razor' (ahem, geek-out), but even the cgi old-school cylons look more bad-ass than the new-ones... i just can't help but think that robot-killing machines look better when they're still quite square and bulky, and become less scary the more aerodynamic-complete-with-decorative-inlays they have...

although at the opposite end of the scale (and admittedly completely lacking in decorative inlays), the t1000 with its gloopy wet/roundness is pretty menacing...

anywho, i guess the short answer is that i want the old series progression to sound like the new series looks... avec swing and funk, but hey that's just me...

right on 8)

fatbwoi live @ the old market inn 020511

ja, for sure, and *shock horror* ladies and gentlemen... yup, it would appear that i have actually written three music-related posts in a row!!! cue collapse of world economies and world-wide launch of demented computer virus... like y2k - but bigger

...do i get a goldfish?! probably not... but that does remind me of a recent trip to stourport where i was amazed to see a darts game on the fair where the prize actually was a goldfish (in a bag)... you could of course buy yourself a lil' goldfish bowl of the same stall, for a prize, which struck me as a lil' unsporting...

surely you could make the bowl the prize on the slightly harder machine-gun game next door... and if you only wanted the bowl not a goldfish... well, job's a good 'un...

zombie goldfish... ina bowl

but the music (yes always with the music and NEVER with the lasers... obviously)...

went down the a14 last night to shake some thang at the old market inn, kettering... and i done did have a me a most-excellent time...

opened with... well a technical hitch, as the white lead decided it was no longer for this world... so actually opened with 8bars of beat-boxin', as you do... and then the one with the chicken...

then the bwoi done did drop a slice of metallica... its always cool if, whilst explaining its (complete non-) relation to the original if i can persuade a couple of people to hum the original bassline to themselves... its a short and sweet one - and i do enjoy playing it....

stevie caught a lil' vid of jazz hands... i noticed that i actually missed a 'jazz hands' there, so if anyone was playing along... i'm sorry, i left you hanging for a while there...

all-in it was a top night, proper enjoyed it... thanks to stevie for inviting me to play...

that's two stops down the a14 in the past week... one at j3, the other at j7... was talking to the big O on the funk-telefon earlier, and we came to the conclusion that i should arrange an a14 tour... see if i can get all the way to felixstowe?! gotta be good for a giggle right?! and the tour t-shirt can ripped straight from the a-z...

happy time

fatbwoi live @ walrus gumboot 010511

word up you crazy cats!! how the devil's are ye?!

last night was the walrus gumboot show at lock 42, supporting young minds... and i had me a most excellent evening right about there... i like

there was of course the usual leicester-related travel disaster... you know how it goes (and this has always been so...) every-time i go over to play in leicester i either : -

a- get lost on the way to leicester, and then seamlessly navigate the one way and get straight to the venue (the best example of this being when i drove to the outskirts of manchester in a moment of northbound/southbound related confusion)

b - get straight to leicester and then grow considerably older as all the roads i need to be there are not... godamn one-way madness grrr....

yesterday was an a, i headed up from the sunny mk, and owing to a "police incident 'on a bridge'", i think it actually took me longer to get there than the manchester episode, so the less said about that the better, one day i will have a helicopter - problem solved.

but enough of that...

there was a whole raft of quality musicians on show yesterday... (and me)

my man rhett was essential as ever, droppin' some quality tunes (first up on his own guitar before unfortunately snapping a string and moving onto ian's guitar)... to misquote zz top, dude got a voice, and he know's how to use it... but seriously, he was over this way for the luau and if you haven't caught up with him yet... you really should. i defy ya to listen in, and not mooch off singing along...

owing to an extreme case of non-organisation i played the 'rhett barrow request' version of my set... its more environmentally friendly as i don't gotta write the set-list down on a too-small-to-be-seen-in-the-dark piece of paper... but did lead to a couple of pauses...

but rhett had me drop some goodies, haven't played back in the day for a while, but my man was most insistent...

probably best if i give the 'fashion model' dance-moves a miss next time though *shock*

last-up was the living legend that is kevin hewick... i haven't seen the mighty kh with his new band before, but they put on a kick ass show... you gotta love kh 8) he delivered a mighty slice of death, death, graveyards and death... and more than just a smattering of 'spiritual energy'... why thank you sir! a top quality set, a visually engaging spectacle that was thoroughly enjoyable...

all-in it was a top night, thanks to ian for putting it on an inviting me to play... good work sir...

and of course if you didn't make it yesterday, or you possibly you did, and you feel like supporting the cause, it is still possible to make a donation through the just giving page, which is approximately here... 

www.justgiving.com/Ian-Babington0

right about now... i'm off to shake that thang again at the old market inn in kettering - happy time!!!

peace-out ya'll