i'm going to starbucks
gonna get myself a frappuccino
f-r-a-p p-u-c c-i-n-oooo yeah
yesterday started at corley services... and yesterday ended at corley services...
westbound, both times...
of course you shouldn't infer from this that i live at corley services... there was some day before the first visit and some day (well, night) after the second... the notion of starting and ending the day there is just a bit more 'poetic'... and you know its about the poetry. the effect of corley on the mind does however render a small grain of truth unto that statement... and whilst we're trading in truths... i actually have this proper irrational hatred of corley services (its a long-standing condition, its roots shrouded in the mists of time)
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| corley services (westbound)... now there's lovely |
so the first visit was in the early half of the day... i'm not sure exactly when for reasons that may/may not become apparent in the fullness of time... there was a bit of a celebratory air to the morn... and music form a lyre (ok scratch that, its corley... i was there with frau linenwrecker, feeling pretty darn fine)...
done order a frappuccino... happy-[bwoi treat]-time 8)
"venti caramel frappuccino (coffee base) with extra coffee..."
"do you want the whipped cream on the top"
"oh yes, absolutely with the cream"
that's roughly how the conversation went... anybody who has sampled the joy of an x extra shot charged caramel frappuccino will be fully aware of the loveliness i was expecting...
i, being pedantic as i am, was a lil' worried about the fact that the order 'process' had changed... there was a promotion... indeed.
after years of having starbucks'-barista-types giving me funny looks whenever i order a frap with extra shots in it... they're now advertising it as one of their 'things'... oh yes, now its a an 'extra-coffee frap' as opposed to a frap with shots...
for the record, the optimum number of espresso shots for a venti frappuccino is two. extensive research has taught me that whilst three provide one hell of a caffeine kick, the frap ends up a extremely easy to suck up the straw in one go... in such instances the iced-coffee/frap line is blurred, and its not quite right...
at two, the ratio is perfect trust me on this...
anywho, promotions are generally an indicator of forthcoming bad-times... and lower quality delivery at the point of sale... (ooh mystery-shopper-bwoi!!)
but i was undeterred.
once upon a time, i had a very interesting extra-shot/frap type incident... i had a craving, i was on the motorway, the services had a costa not a starbucks, but i figured they had a summer coffee product and surely you can add extra coffee to that...
digit's crossed i ordered one... just the one shot (playing it safe)
i received the strangest looking frap ever... it was essentially two drinks in one cup, and any attempt to mix the two substances was met with stubborn resistance...
essentially i had the creamy-cool caramel shake type drink on the top, and a steaming hot shot of espresso in the bottom... don't get me wrong, it was a nice drink... with careful application of 'straw technique' it was possible to get both hot and cold coffee goodness into your mouth at the same time...
the effect was a lil' weird, but good...
i always attributed the non-mixing to the different 'bases' used by starbucks and costa... the costa base has some kind of uht thing goin' on, and for this reason i have generally avoided them... the starbucks base always mixes perfectly...
well, until the other day...
when at corley, my extra-coffee frap was delivered unto me as two drinks in one cup... caramel frap goodness at the top, and a cold shot at the bottom... don't get me wrong, careful application of 'straw technique' made for a delightful drinkin' experience (if not the one i was expecting)...
but isn't it weird the one place that my frappuccino ever got messed up is corley services?!
i think its more than just coincidence...
although credit where credit is due, the toilets generally only smell of brown p!ss... to date the worst service station toilet experience i've had was at northampton services...
where a herd of yeti had apparently had earth-shattering bowel movements in and around the same cubicle... that morning the foyer positively hummed of sh!t, it was in a mound coming out of the top of the bowl, painted onto the side of the bowl, and the cubicle walls and floor... (its a well known fact that a herd of yeti cannot flush) it has to have been a team effort...
and the lil' light thingy that tells you when the next inspection of the facilities is due was telling me it was 18mins overdue...
but back to corley... the second visit was a toilet stop (relentless and lemonade induced, on the way back from the gig at bell)... fair enough i suppose...
but upon entering corley for the second time in the day, i suddenly became disorientated... struggling to even remember what day it was, and totally confused as to what (if anything) i had been up to in-between times...
it was like i'd only ever been at corley...
so how do they do it...? maybe its with 'the magnets' (lasers being too expensive to deploy nationally right?)?
i don't know, but corley can't mix a frappuccino and it messes with your brain... and in addition to being science_FAKT, they're also two damn good reasons to avoid the place...
there's something not quite kosher about corley services...
