a peak inside the world of fatbwoi... complete with music, zombies, lasers, all the usual kinda stuff... like cracking open his brain and feasting on the goo inside, but with less cracking... happy time
yesterday was the second day of the cross keys beer and music festival... and therefore time for this one to swoop in and do some thang shakin'...
shapes - thrown
time - happy
hyphens - full effect
started my set a lil' early as the highly variable weather meant that there was a captive audience... mk was having a gorgeous sunshine/heavy 'matrix' rain split personality kinda day, although scrolling green code and keanu reeves were sadly missing...
opened with the chicken and the god before declaring that the walkway to the exit was now a 'dance-walkway', then executing a neat swing left into the one with the metallica...
martian desert-trek bwoi...
it was round about this time that i noticed the growing ranks of the under 10's army, who were not only showing the adults how the whole 'dance-walkway' thing should be done, but properly havin' it large...
the party was definitely over there, and then there... and then there... some of them were proper whizzing around... this took a bit of esp and lifting of the guitar to ensure no-accidents. the remainder of the u10's army was putting my dance moves to shame... there was some proper funky bogling going on...
dropped the sun-inducing 'Mr E's Beautiful Blues' which gave me an opportunity to whiz into 'Missing'... haven't played that in a while (but it went alright)...
the under 10 army assembles...
did get a bit confused on the exact order of the lyrics in sunny afternoon (for a shocker)... but the people in the audience singing along most-graciously helped me out...
all-in it was a top gig, there was a nice party-vibe to the place (a whole range of fantastic beers on sale) and it was really cool to see the kids 'getting down'...
did get me thinking about extending the fatbwoi army, creating an under 10's division, who when teamed up with fatbwoi gerbil army (the sweetest smelling army in the world) counterparts, would create most-excellent cells around the country ready for world domination...
just a quick reminder (in-line with government legislation obviously) that there's three places you can catch the fatbwoi shakin' that thang this weekend... two are beer festivals, and all are free entry so the reasons not to come down and indulge yourself in a bit of thang-shakery are limited...
SAT 180611 - The Cross Keys Beer and Music Festival, Milton Keynes
music all day, fatbwoi onstage @ 17.00hrs
SUN 190611 - Bat and Wicket, Northampton
evening event, doors @ 20.00hrs... feat. music from fatbwoi and stuart o'connor
MON 200611 - Rowell Charter Real Ale and Acoustic Festival, Rothwell
all day event, fatbwoi onstage @ 12.15hrs
hopefully there will be sun, there's sure gonna be fun...
...i used to have a snoopy filo-fax, it was proper quality too. the binder-y bits were sturdy, and all of the little divider cards were properly reinforced (and spill resistant) - happy time.
there was a section for addresses, a diary, and even a bit of space for some notes...
filo-fax avec 'zero snoopy'...
it never got lost, because it never left the house... i was 10 (and it was a touch on the unwieldy side)
i don't remember ever having expressed any explicit love for snoopy at anytime... although i did like the voice of the teacher in the cartoon (and he was always on the back of the paper at the junior bwoi homestead)...
but yeah... obviously it became essential in organising my hardcore social life... keeping up to date with the machinations of the political machine etc etc...
it disappeared over time... perhaps it would have been more useful if it came in a small digital bundle... some kind of ubiquitous electronic device that fits in your pocket, perhaps it could even be expanded to include additional functionality such as (i don't know) voice calls and image capture?! far-out...
but it never happened at the right time, and by the time it did... i'd got used to doing it all in my head...
oh yeah... seamless integration and kilobytes of processing power...
bod can jump?
bod CAN jump!
not bod, repton... but whoever expected me to make sense?!
until yesterday...
when i accidentally misplaced a gig (by about a week)... oops!
yeah, it would appear that rather than travelling twice in two weeks... i shall in fact be doing a short 3day 'mk and other midlands' tour next week...(!!!)
3 days - 3 gigs... and a lil' bit more logistical business than i at first thought... 8)
so here's the shimmy you crazy cats.... i apologise for not being in northampton last night (and i blame the sausage and cheap pasta sauce thing me and the amazing lady linenwrecker cooked up last night!)... but i will be there next week...
thus...
sat 18th june - Cross Keys Music and Beer Festival, Milton Keynes
- all day event, onstage 17.00hrs
sun 19th june - Bat and Wicket, Northampton - doors at 20.00hrs
mon 20th june - Rowell Charter Beer and Acoustic Festival, Rothwell
- all day event, onstage 12.15hrs (ish)
so why not c'mon down and shake some thang... its a tour, there is beer, and the golden rule stands...
2x capo, 2x plectrum - check (one of them is blunt)
sneakers (pair) - check
lemonade - check
...well kind of it's on the table... with the set-list 8)
rapture or none, had me a most-excellent time shakin' that thang last night at the cross keys... i reckon we did the apocalypse party in still, and big-love to all the crazy cats who came down...
but back-up a lil' bit, and i had a proper weird moment...
sipping on my stripe-shandy was i, when a small girl in a lilac dress did approach me and ask "where is the bear?"
proper caught me off-guard that did... (turns out she was the landlord's daughter, and she'd just watched the bullet vid upstairs... and paul had intimated i might bring the bear with me).
but then in a flash (and with a lil' help from joey) i remembered that the bear suffers with 'terrible travel sickness' and won't generally spend 'more than ten minutes in a car' - oh yeah effective counter!!!
i woulda been good if she'd asked about the mermaid, its easy to explain how she got up a tree... but down the motorway - c'mon, she's a mermaid!!!
bear : strength - great dancer, weakness - 'travel sickness'
opened with the chicken (for a shocker), although given the occasion i maybe should opted for '1-800', which i proper enjoyed playing, complete with its added crazy-american-geriatric-predicting-doomsday resonance - right on...
additional air-con provided by stevie - check
its mk, so natural law dictates that i have to play 'back in the day'... although i was distressed to discover that the field, which used to be orchard hall back in the day, is being redeveloped as a range of luxury 2, 3 and 4 bedroom homes - bad times
played me a bit of 'sandman' for paul... i'm a bad dude (sorry paul), and for obvious reasons i was rewarded with a wry shaking of the head... i think paul would prefer it with a bit less swing, and a bit more metallica :P
another rare outing for 'krshna says' too... the apocalyptic vibe of the evening seemed more than fitting, and it went down pretty-darn well (in addition to the usual benefit of bringing you closer to the godhead)...
played newbie 'bite me' too... am seriously loving the bwoi-the-trumpet bit at the end, i feel i may have to this more (natural law)
ended on 'forces' (natural law), and handed control of the 'fate of the world' the girl dancing at the front... fairly confident that this was a good move as there are very few things i can actually be trusted with...
all in a top night, thanks to stevie for inviting me... was a bit 28 days later drivin' up the m1 with the street-lighting off, but it was dark (its only dark in the north in 28 days later) and far too windy... so i figured we were probably safe from the cdc predicted zombie outbreak in the event of the rapture, as when it happens its gonna look far cooler
"i don't get paid to believe... i get paid to [mess] [stuff] up..."
the mutant chronicles - abridged
the apocalypse is nigh...
and we're not talking about the zombie apocalypse i have been predicting, which let's face it boy-beings and girl-beings, is a quantifiable mathematical/scientific certainty...
zombies man, a mathematical/scientific certainty...
oh no... apparent there is some seriously biblical business about to go down... its the time of the rapture, according to harold camping...
harold tells it how it is... yes harold, we hear ya!
yeah apparently the second coming is gonna happen tomorrow, 21st May 2011 is the first day of judgement and millions of people are going to die whilst the righteous few ascend to heaven...
...and i got a gig!! its @ the cross keys, milton keynes - c'mon down, we is having an apocalypse party 8)
according to hc, the second coming will start with an earthquake in new zealand at 07.30 (or thereabouts), now i know that would suggest that the gig maybe in trouble as judgement day will have already begun elsewhere around the globe, but in all honesty i have reached the conclusion that nutty as he is, hc probably doesn't even acknowledge the concept of time-zones beyond the one in which he is living...
i'm not sure exactly which part of the states he lives in, but that puts him behind us meaning there should still be an opportunity for thang shakery... (ok, i just found another site which suggests hc thinks its all going to kick off at 15.00PST on saturday... we are thus fine to par-tay)
but what strikes me as a lil' weird about this situation is the fact that people have sold all of their worldly goods and sent the money to hc, such is the power of their belief that the world will end on saturday...
i heard reports today of a company which has been set-up which will, for a premium, care for the pets here on earth, after the righteous have ascended to heaven...
i've gotta be honest though, i like the way they operate... the company are offering a 10 year doomsday insurance, that covers a whole host of predicted apocalypse dates... just in case hc is wrong, and it doesn't all go down tomorrow...
but of course, with such power and conviction of belief ole' hc couldn't be wrong... could he?!
"harold camping is a false prophet! The following are just a few of his false doctrines that have been taught, and that you would hear live on his heretical "family radio"...
1. harold camping proclaimed that the lord's return would be in 1994!
2. harold camping now proclaims that the lord's return will be on 21 may, 2011!
3. harold camping teaches that the world will end in fiery destruction on october 21, 2011!
4. harold camping (family radio) has aired mormon advertisments!
5. harold camping taught that no-one was saved between 1988 through 1994!
6. harold camping teaches that the church age ended in 1994!
7. harold camping teaches that the holy spirit is no longer working in the church!
8. harold camping teaches that every church in the world is apostate!
clearly, harold camping is not a true christian, and has fabricated his own cult... the word of god must be our final authority, and not the traditions and lies of men."
i think that just about clears everything up right? (dont know about you, but i do love a good bit of religious bickering!!)
so hc has been wrong before... the immeadiate reaction to his 'teachings' is something along the lines of...
"yo harold, what you gonna do when the sun still comes up on the 22nd?"
obviously jesus-is-saviour.com puts the ill-informed right on this, hc doesn't think that the world will cease to be on that day... more that the destruction of the earth will take about five months. call me cynical, but surely an omnipotent all-powerful god who could build all of creation in seven days would be able to destroy the earth in less than five months... especially if the righteous all ascend to be by his side on the first day...
when quizzed by a caller to his radio show, hc admitted that he did not know exactly what would happen on the 22nd, but that it would be (and this paraphrased) "hell on earth" and "millions would die"... and other such fire and brimstone phrases suggesting that it may not be a nice day...
bad times
he's not the first guy to predict the second coming... william miller predicted it would happen in 1844, some people were obviously a bit miffed when it didn't... the seventh day adventists decided that jesus had returned, invisibly (yeah right), and would make his presence felt soon (luke i can feel your presence)...
other branches of the christian faith keep bouncing the date back a lil' more each time it doesn't happen, basing the fault on misreadings or misinterpretations of the scripture...
its all a bit like nostra-whats-his-face...
personally i think a zombie apocalypse is more 'god' than this whole taking five months to wipe out the world schtick that hc is pedalling... the whole "when there's no room in hell, the dead will walk the earth" angle works better for me...
the pub is also a sweet please to hole-up for the duration...
therefore in such a case, i reckon that makes us safe to shake some thang tomorrow...
grown me a lil' beard (cos it makes me look a lil' older/scruffier delete as appropriate), dyed the top, primed the guitar, and stopped making sense...
i make that all systems go...
if you want i'll hedge some bets for us, and slip krshna says back in the set, on the off-chance that it may curry some favour with one of the other true deities... the chorus brings you closer to god, or so i've heard!!
peace-out y'all
NEXT GIG - Sat 21st May @ The Cross Keys, Milton Keynes
...and with the sound of flapping curtains, he was gone.
or at least that's what he wanted her to believe, for at that precise moment a plan had been hatched, a plan so fiendish that it cannot be disclosed for it would sear the digital page onto which it was written...
a lil' last minute, but got the chance to lay down some tunes at the cross keys, in good ole' concrete-cow land on saturday... the bwoi, the hometown, and a pub with red stripe (and also nice lemonade) on tap - happy time
as an aside, you'd think that the quality of lemonade would be fairly consistent between drinking establishments... yeah right. trust me, when the clear bubbly business is the first drink you always head for, you get pretty good at judging these things... and some pubs can really f**k it up! not gonna name name's, but i do believe one special exception to that rule must be the lemonade i had at the meadow lark during the england/wales qualifier a couple of weeks ago... looked like misty soap and sediment filled tap water, tasted weird to odd...
verdict - worth going there just to buy one and look at it (food always smells nice... but then they have managed to balls up lemonade, so make of that what you will...)
anywho, saturday... there was some definite shaking of the thang, and i had me a most-excellent time...
there was some stuff about chicken, even the one about god (well tv evangelist's and their personalised interpretation of god, but you know what i mean...), zombie apocalypse survival lessons, but was struck me as a bit weird was playing 'back in the day'...
i've noticed, as my gigs have moved closer to home, that people start to recognise 'the sights' listed in the lyrics, and playing it in milton keynes, everybody knows what i'm talking about... they know what the h's and v's are (it was a bit weird for me having driven on them that very day), and have almost certainly seen a concrete cow (i believe mk currently has two sets?!?!)
and i got to wondering, would i have written the song the same if i still lived 'dahrn sarf'?! cos i probably wouldn't have written a dudley song whilst living in dudley...
there's a castle on the hill town centre's looking kind of ill you can see the flamingos from the bus oh dudley
but then that's a completely different type of song altogether... and i guess we'll never know. (that's like a double barrelled answer to a single piece of musing right about there)
either way b.i.t.d seemed to go down quite well, as did the rest of the set... and i got to test the bar staff's skill at mixing red stripe and lemonade... verdict - pass 8)
all in, a lot of fun... thanks to stevie for letting me play, will just have to see what kind mischief i can get up to next time...
