obviously i didn't let the complete lack of apocalypse (and also apparent lack of rapture - everyone i knew was out) get in the way of the apocalypse party at the cross keys on saturday... couple of reasons, the main one being - that is just not tennis...
another would have to be that believer or no, it wouldn't do to be uhm... 'premature', and dampen the atmosphere now would it?! why premature? well, i couldn't help but notice that on the 21st the actual time of the event became very fluid, and which ever way you looked a different apocalyptic event was scheduled at a slighlty different time... i got 06.00 for the NZ earthquake off hc (and also radio 4), loads of people told me it was 18.00 our time, whilst the non-rapture website started receiving evidence of the non-passing from around the globe from 18.00 local time (insert us timezone here)...
so all day, it was gonna happen between 18.00-21.00 uk time, and that woulda been a shitter as i may have possibly been damned for eternity whilst in the car park of wolverton tescos... i definitely wouldn't have got to shake that thang - and therein lies bad times. the last time suggested was 02.00 (i was driving... i would been damned in tipton - although there are those that would argue i was already by being there) in line with the non-rapture website/us time zones...
ultimately, in one of those weird quirks i was up and about at every predicted hour of the apocalypse, and it did not happen... it thought i wouldn't mention it til sunday, just in-case it (doomsday) was being subtle...
but having heard the dire prognostications of hell on earth on the 22nd, with millions dying, i thought the apocalypse might be having a moment before building up a head of steam...
plus the 22nd would yield the added joy of 'asking harold'...
but as the 22nd dawned, hc was nowhere to be seen...
had he ascended to heaven in a much-smaller-than-predicted rapture? had he killed himself because of the shame of mispredicting the end of days not just once, but twice? had he fled the country, to go and spend his days living off his ill gotten gains somewhere in south america? was he in hiding, probably because of the shame?
uhm... no.
the enigmatic hc reappeared last night (no, private rapture then), and did the only thing he could. it would be impossible for a such a god-fearing man to do anything other than take the can himself. oh yeah, that old doozey... human error. yeah you got it... he misread the prophecy. its still all going to happen, just at the other end of the time window he predicted...
its probably something to do with the carrying of ones... or powers, its quite often with the powers
yes ladies and gentleman, he miscalculated the prophecy by five months... (naturally... that's such an obvious amount to miscalculate by, at least when the predicted apocalypse didn't happen in 1844, the man who predicted it at least had the grace to say he was out by a 'generation' - a statement which 30 years later lead him to reassess his own definition of 'generation')
***update... fresh off the press 24/05/11 GMT... the e'er enigmatic hc has actually blamed god for the non-rapture! well, that's technically blamed god... hc has attributed the complete lack of rapture and 'hell-on-earth' to god's mercy. essentially, this new merciful is gonna spare humanity the suffering of the predicted 5 month rapture... apparently he's gonna opt for the 1 day 'express rapture' - which is nice.
one also infers from this that the god that created the world in 7 days doesn't actually have any problems disposing of man-made materials such as concrete (as i had previously suggested), and if he was so willing to switch to such a different plan so easily. from this we can draw one of two conclusions...
a - the express rapture was always on the cards as far as god is concerned, he is omnipotent and wouldn't not need five months to conduct the affairs of 'the end of days' and is probably wondering what all this guff the apparently ill-informed hc is spouting...
b - the notion that the supreme being would unnecessarily 'drag-out' the suffering of his most loved creation, especially when (simplistically speaking) that's what he created hell for - the punishment of damned souls, seems a lil' on the sadistic side to me... just puttin' it out there, is hc in league with the devil? devil's probably not great with concrete, hence the 5 months of hell on earth... he does mis-information... nothing happened saturday, right?! the plot thickens...
(and a third 'just-putting-it-out-there' option)
c - nut-job, old and wisened... like a salty peanut***
that's right, the end is still coming... but we can sit back and enjoy the summer first...
i'm gonna be honest... i was hoping hc would come out as one of those 'it did happen, but it was invisible' types... but i suppose hc's god is too 'fire and brimstone' to do anything invisibly. oh, and 'invisible' has been done before...
but then so has 'human error'...
***i do think hc is the first one to actually lay the blame squarely at god's feet...***
what i love so much about these predictions is the whole notion that the apocalypse is gonna start at a nice round number (the top of a whole new hour if you will...), and the wonderful assumption there-in that the astral/heavenly clock is in sync with 'man-time'...
for all we know 'man-time' started at 13.27 on the astral clock, and there may only be one point every millenia where the two are in sync... unlike a broken watch which is right at least twice-a-day...
and i'm gonna work on the idea that until one of these armageddon types predicts that 'the big one' is gonna start bang square on the hour, i'm gonna disbelieve him... but the first one that hits me up with a random time, i'm gonna pause for a second and check the credentials on his line upstairs...
will i ever see you again...?! sure baby, next meltdown.
