10-step linguine carbonara de bwoi

linguine carbonara de bwoi

250g linguine
3 eggs (i don't like eggs)
50g parmesan cheese - grated
2 small red onions
9 cloves garlic - crushed (i likes garlic i does)
150ml single cream
black pepper

1. boil up a big ole pan of water, drop in a lil' bit of oil, and the solid salt for the salt-breaking machine you don't have... once boiling, remove from hob as you have realised that linguine takes less time to cook than spaghetti so you're gonna have to do a bit more prep first.

2a. beat the eggs, cheese, a bit of black pepper and the cream together in a bowl/jug until mixture is smooth.
2b. finely chop the onions, slighlty-less-finely chop the bacon, stick a tiny drizzle of oil into a pan and place it on the hob to warm up (marvel at how the water in the first pan has changed with its salt/oil content)

3. start crushing the garlic into the oil pan as it heats up (experience should tell you that crushing this much garlic without an industrial garlic crusher may take a few minutes), when you are nearly finished start boiling the weird water again.

4. drop linguine into boiling water, stir, leave for a minute then add bacon and onion to garlic and oil.

5. you are now cooking with two pans - PANIC!!!

6. when bacon is golden, onions sweated and linguine cooked (6-7 mins roughly), drain the linguine and place on the side in a sieve or similar.

7. marvel at how the egg mixture changed, and now looks like a really weird bobbly-creamy snowscape. stir again, then add to bacon and onions.

8. cook for 30 seconds.

9. add drained linguine to mixture and fold the two together until pasta is evenly coated and then serve.

10. realise you did a properly bad job of distributing the bacon through the pasta, so spoon it on top of the served pasta, eat some cos' it looks good and at least one of the piles of additional bacon you just served looks 'a bit big' - then ENJOY.

happy time 8)